Be Refined, Not Defined

After being faced with disappointment, or a negative outcome have you ever just sat there thinking to yourself why me?  It may feel like a lonely spot at the time, but we have all been in that position before, so you’re definitively not alone.  This pivotal moment is where people are either made or broken.  The proverbial fork in the road where we decide to keep on trying or to let this moment be our demise.  People sometimes refer to it as a defining moment in their life.  I challenge that way of thinking and assert that one experience should not define an entire dynamic life because a person should not forever be defined by one experience.  Sure it might be a remarkable turning point, but instead it should be a refining moment.  The moment that helps create a better, stronger more successful person.

If you’ve ever watched a sculptor sculpt anything with a clay medium, you’re aware of what it takes to make a beautiful work of art.  It starts out as a rough art medium with no specific structure, looking like absolutely nothing at all.  Sometimes throughout the process the sculptor will add smaller globs of clay to the sculpture and mold and shape it incorporating it into the entire object.  Then over time, with sweat, effort, and refining movements using their hands and tools, it begins to take shape until the sculpture eventually emerges as a beautiful work of art.

This is how we need to attack those moments of misery, failed attempts, broken dreams and despair.  It starts out as something that is completely ugly and undesirable, much like a boring glob of clay.  It’s difficult to see what the end result will be and what can come from something so unattractive.

Just like sculpting a work of art we must take time, concentration and care to refine ourselves through these moments.  Each obstacle and challenge we face is like adding on another ball of clay to the sculpture that we must incorporate into our beautiful and successful self.  These adversities are added to our lives in the midst of our pursuit of our goals and dreams.  We must take them in stride and like the artist scrape away the unwanted bits that are not helpful to keep and let them go.  Then we mold and shape the lessons and experiences left from these moments using them to refine us into a better person. 

Therefore we can’t let our situations and these moments define who we are.  Sure these situations will influence our lives, but we cannot let them control our lives, we need to be in control of our lives. That is the difference between being defined and refined.  If we choose to be defined by our circumstances we are never controlling our destiny.  Instead we become bystanders in our own lives instead of active participants.  Who wants to be the audience of their own life?  We should be the director, producer and also play the lead role.  It’s our life!

We should constantly be looking for what we can learn from these experiences and how those lessons can make us into a better person.  Tomorrow is coming and we can’t dwell on the negative for too long.  It’s alright to feel the frustration and the pain for a little bit, that’s a natural part of the process.  An artist takes time to look at what they will sculpt from to decide on a plan of action to start working.  In a similar way, we too can take some time to create our own plan of action to sculpt our situation into a way to make us a more successful person.

With each refining moment, we are constantly improving, much like the sculptor improves their sculpture with each carving gesture to become increasingly accurate to their vision.  With each challenge we are faced with we are gaining preparation for something greater in our future and getting that much closer to becoming who we want to be.

This won’t be the first time we will meet a challenge, and it certainly won’t be the last.  But what we do with it will determine whether we are refined or defined.

Never Stay Down

Imagine that you’re walking on a city sidewalk on your way to run an errand.  You’re walking with a purposeful stride, the sun is out, life is good, and you’re on a mission to get things done.  As your head is on a swivel taking in your surroundings at eye level, there is chip in the sidewalk ahead of you.  It’s sitting there with impending misfortune for your next few steps and you’re completely unaware of the foreshadowing that is about to become reality.  The toe of your shoe catches the jagged sidewalk and you stumble and fall to the ground.  After gathering yourself, you stare back at the chip that led to your demise with severe disdain as you check your hands, elbows and knees.  With no physical damage done, your cheeks are a bit flushed with embarrassment.  Then without a second thought, you get up and continue on your way to reach your destination.  I take you through this scenario because we’ve all experienced something similar, and in each situation we always get up and continue on our way after we stumble or fall. 

Life is full of unexpected chipped sidewalks laying in our paths as we pursue our goals.  Sometimes it’s the loss of a job, failing a class, a break up/divorce, financial struggles or anything else that we don’t anticipate that makes us stumble and fall on our path through life.  But similar to the above scenario as if it was an actual chip in the sidewalk that we stumbled on, we need to get back up and continue on our way.

When life’s unforeseen obstacles make us fall, our pride might take a hit and quite often there is some pain that comes with it.  Sure it may hurt for a while or we might be lucky and it’s a short lived pain.  Ultimately however, it will not hurt forever, and we can heal from those heartaches and pains that make us feel like a failure, or that we aren’t good enough.  What matters most is that we don’t give up moving forward and just sit there stationary in our lives because of one misstep.  Imagine if you were still sitting in the spot where you last tripped and fell on the ground.  There’s no way that you would sit on that sidewalk for days, months or years without getting up.  So if you wouldn’t let that happen, then let’s not get stuck in the rut we’ve fallen in after getting knocked down in life.

Sure it seems easy for me to say to you from outside the box as I sit behind my laptop writing this, because I don’t know your story or what you’re going through.  But I do know that you’re a strong person and so am I, and we’ve all survived difficult times in our lives before.  Quite often it is very tough when we’re in a situation to see a way out of it, but we’ve survived hardships before, so we can do it again!  This isn’t the first and it certainly won’t be the last time we stumble and fall, so let’s get back up and keep on pursuing that dream, chasing that goal, and making a difference before we stumbled and fell.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned through experience it’s that life doesn’t always go the way we’ve planned it.  It’s filled with those cracked sidewalks to make us trip, and fall, and it’s filled with plenty of detours as well.  The shortest distance between two points is a straight line, but there’s always a detour when it comes to life and it certainly isn’t always linear. 

That’s when we need to dig deep within ourselves to find that intrinsic motivation and refocus on our goals.  Figure out what our true motivation was at the beginning of our journey before we fell.  This is the first step to help picking ourselves back up.  Sometimes there is some pain in getting back up, and we need others to help us out.  It feels dependent, when all we want is independence, but there’s nothing wrong with that.  That’s the time when we look to family and friends, people in our community, or our social/professional network that can help get us back on our feet after getting knocked down.  Other times we need to pay a little more attention to the details and maybe retry something with a little more effort but just slightly change it.  Then the next time that chip in the sidewalk gets closer, we can step right over it, and keep on walking.

It’s important to remember that no matter what, we should not stay down.  We need to take some time to make sure we’re ok and ready to get back up.  Then make it happen, and stand stronger than ever while moving forward with the purpose and determination headed in the direction of success that we were moving towards before we fell.

 

 

The Importance of Mentors

This weekend I was having a conversation with some good friends about mentoring and its necessity in the life of college aged males.  We were talking about this demographic because we have intentionally served in the role of a mentor for such males through our work, or fallen into it by circumstances where we found ourselves in that role.  The conversation shifted into a more generalized population of mentoring youth (male and female) because we had all done that before too, but it left me thinking about mentorship.  Mentoring is significant not just in the simplistic way that we typically consider it with age differential and learning from your elders.  Mentoring is crucial to workplace success as well as in friendships and family. 

When I was in graduate school, my supervisor for my assistantship was a very influential workplace mentor.  We could laugh and joke about things, but ultimately she wasn’t afraid to hold me accountable, and have the meaningful and insightful conversations that would eventually help push me to become a better professional.  Sounds like what a supervisor should do, but we know many who don’t follow this formula.  It was the care and concern to teach, not just scold that made the difference.  Not only did she talk the talk with me as she gave me advice, but she walked the walk as I observed her interactions with other people she supervised.  After moving into another position within the organization, I was able to have another supervisor who served a very similar role.  He would constantly challenge and support me to bring the best out of my performance, but he also took the time to help me work on my personal development through my work. 

This type of workplace mentoring is very crucial to building healthy workplace culture.  It is typically referred to as mentor leadership because the leaders within the organization are grooming those that will eventually take the organization into new directions and help it grow.  It feeds into a workplace culture of unity and teamwork, while focusing on making individuals feel valued and respected.  Furthermore, it presents a more holistic approach to supervising individuals instead of just being a ‘boss’ to them.  My mentors always said that I should supervise and mentor supervisees in a way that they can eventually work their way up to be your future peer coworker.  I adopted that philosophy to my supervision, and little did they both know that I would eventually become just that to both of them.  Later on, some people that I supervised would become my peer coworkers as well.  With all of that happening, it truly taught me how important that advice was early in my career experience.

As I’m sure you’re aware, mentors don’t exist in just the workplace, mentors are very important in your personal life as well.  As we go through life we are faced with celebrations and tribulations.  We are faced with obstacles that sometimes seem insurmountable but we get through them.  Ultimately it is up to us to find the motivation to get through these times.  While this is true, there are people in your life who believe in you enough to take the time and effort to help you and support you along the way.  These people are extremely caring and should never be taken for granted.  Some of them will fall into the role of being a mentor to you because you’ll find that their experience, words of guidance, and efforts to help, are critical to your success.  They want to see you succeed just as much as you want to succeed and they’re willing to be there for you along the way.  These relationships should be cultivated and maintained because they are beneficial to your support network in life.  They may not always say what you want to hear, but it’s always something you need to hear.  Sometimes they will encourage you and challenge you to go beyond the limits you’ve set for yourself and in that process of motivation and support is where mentorship is found. 

Having said this it is also necessary to pay it forward.  The concept behind ‘pay it forward’ is that the positivity that you receive in any form, should be mirrored by you doing something kind and just for someone else.  Applying this phrase to mentorship as you progress and move through life it’s important to be there for someone else the same way that someone was there for you.  This is should happen because someone believed in you enough to help you in some way when you needed it.  Therefore you should be willing to help someone else that you believe in as well.

Our communities are constantly in need of mentors and there are people in your life who consider you a mentor whether you’re aware of it or not.  Never lose sight of how you got to your position in life and who was there believing in you when you were struggling, and celebrating you when you were doing well.  Life isn’t always just the roses, it’s the thorns too.  Those that have helped you through both are the people who are a great support network that you can depend on.  As you look at your sphere of influence, and consider the kindness that others have showed you, think about how you can take the time and effort to pay it forward.

 

Why Not You?

Similar to many people, I spent this past Sunday night in front of the television, watching the Super Bowl.  My team (The Dallas Cowboys) were unfortunately not in the game, so I was not as invested in the outcome of the game as some of my friends who were watching with me.  As I watched, the temptation of various topics for this week was overwhelming.  There was too much easy material to work with in addition to what I had already planned to write about.  However, I abandoned other potential topic plans when I heard Russell Wilson in one of his many post-game championship interviews.  He was asked about a phrase that his father used to tell him that he used with his teammates to get them ready for the game, which was “Why not us?”

The phrase stuck with me throughout the rest of the night.  I thought about how simple yet how powerful a statement it was.  The phrase rattled around in my thoughts as I drove home and I whittled it down to the singular version and the exact phrase that Russell’s father reportedly used with Russell, “Why not you?” 

His father used it with him as naysayers told Russell that he was too short to play quarterback and had other critiques.  Russell’s dad would ask him “Why not you?”  Russell would go on to win a Big Ten Championship in college as a quarterback, and win the Super Bowl, arguably the biggest stage that sports can offer.  I’m not going to compare myself to Russell Wilson, but I admittedly have let the thought “No, not me” creep into my conscience before.  Sometimes I’ve been right, others I’ve been wrong, and maybe you have succumbed to those same thoughts of “No, not me” when considering something.  It could be asking that special someone on a first date, applying for a job, asking for a promotion or raise, trying to start a business venture, or even something as simple as exercising to meet a health goal.

Instead of saying “No, not me” and talking ourselves out of something, it’s time that we all recognize our self-worth and potential.  We need to stop defeating ourselves before the fight even happens, and stop convincing ourselves what our limits are before we even attempt something.  Somewhere between our youth and adulthood we lose some of our naivety of thinking big, imagining and visioning great things and believing that we can accomplish lofty goals.  Sure there are certain realities that exist such as I can’t be an all-star basketball player tomorrow, or run for president next year.  But if I put my mind to something and put in the necessary work, then “Why not me?” and if you did the same “Why not you?”

In life we feel like we need to have the answers to everything, and be able to rationalize things.  That’s where this “No, not me” defeatist attitude festers from.  We can rationalize and think of all the reasons why something doesn’t make sense to fit us and why it shouldn’t happen.  It’s time to make a paradigm shift in our thinking and start saying Russell’s father’s phrase to ourselves, “Why not you?”

So instead of focusing on your limits and what you can’t do, focus on your strengths and what your potential is.  Look at and focus on your hopes and dreams and focus on how you can harness the power of the strength of your skills to make that happen.  When your areas of improvement (I refuse to call them weaknesses) enter your mind, become solution oriented and figure out how to overcome those so that “It can be me!” becomes more of a reality.  Surround yourself with supportive people through networking and current relationships and share your hopes and dreams with them.  They might be able to help you in some way achieve what you want to achieve.  Then, as a mentor once told me, take that leap.  Go beyond what you feel comfortable attempting.  Make things happen.  You could really surprise yourself with how great you really are, accomplish your dreams and you may even reach beyond what you thought was your potential.  Now if for any reason it doesn’t work out, don’t quit and give up.  You deserve to experience greatness just like any other person, so try again even harder the next time, look in the mirror and say "Why not you?"

 

They Will Say No, You Will Say Yes

It’s definitely that time of year in sports.  There are NFL Playoff games happening, and NCAA College Basketball is in full swing.  So many of us watch great catches and defensive plays on the football field, and then flip the channel to amazing dunks that make us stand up and high five complete strangers.  If you take the time to read some of my past blogs, it will come as no surprise that I pull a lot of motivation and leadership philosophy from athletes, sports quotes and sports teams.

This week, I was reminded of something from playing basketball my freshman year in high school when I heard the stories of two athletes Derrick Coleman and Isaiah Austin.  I was reminded of a motivational quote our coach gave us during our first team meeting.  It stuck out to me, so I cut it out and hung it in my locker.  From then on, I would look at this quote all through high school, college, and eventually come to share it with people I supervised when I started working full time.  It’s from a Nike Ad (the ad is below) and although I love the whole thing, my favorite line is:

“They will tell you no.

A thousand times no. Until all the no’s become meaningless. 

All your life they will tell you no.

Quite firmly and very quickly.

And you will tell them yes.”

Derrick Coleman is a player for the Seattle Seahawks.  He climbed the ranks playing football through high school, at UCLA, and now will play on the greatest and biggest stage in the NFL, the Super Bowl.  I came across Derrick through, surprisingly enough, a Duracell commercial.  After reading more about Derrick I realized that he has a very inspirational story.  What you may not know about him, is that he is a legally deaf person playing in the NFL.  In a sport where snap counts, audibled plays (plays changed by the quarterback before the ball is hiked) and crowd noise play a vital role in the success of the team, Derrick has learned through his hearing aid and coping mechanisms to play at the most elite level in the sport.  From being a child trying to fit his hearing aid under his helmet, to going undrafted in the NFL, he was constantly being told ‘No’ and through perseverance and determination, he told them ‘Yes’.

The story of Isaiah Austin is also a story of triumph under difficult odds.  Isaiah Austin is a basketball player for Baylor University, a Division I Men’s Basketball Team.  Through a routine dunk in warm ups during middle school, he aggravated an injury from little league.  In basketball where eye sight and depth perception are as vital as a good jump shot, Isaiah was learning to play the game in a completely different way than most youth.  He tore his retina in one eye and despite surgery and efforts to save his sight, he eventually became blind in one eye.  He was therefore learning coping mechanisms to compensate for his sight, and how to play through his unique circumstance.  Bearing this secret until very recently, he admits to hiding his loss of vision in one eye because he was afraid people would tell him ‘No’ suggesting that he wasn’t good enough, or not take a chance on him because he only could see through one eye.  Instead he found ways to tell them ‘Yes’ before they even had a chance to say ‘No’.

I share these stories and the Nike Ad because intrinsic motivation is such a vital source of the drive we must have to succeed.  I think about my favorite line whenever I get the sense that someone thinks I’m not good enough, or when I come across an obstacle blocking me from something that I want to achieve.  Our circumstances may not be the exact same as Derrick’s or Isaiah’s, but they serve as great examples of how to overcome the odds against them to achieve their goals in life.

Most importantly I use the Nike Ad and will now think of these athletes when doubt creeps into my own mind wondering if I’m good enough, or talented enough.  I think it’s safe to say that we have all had moments of self-doubt where we have second guessed ourselves or berated ourselves in comparison to others.  We can easily get sucked into the spiral of negativity in our minds and our thoughts second guessing ourselves on whether we are capable of something.  It’s natural for those thoughts to creep in occasionally, but it’s even more crucial to put them out and stand resilient with the confidence in ourselves.  We have to eliminate those thoughts and be determined to succeed the same way Derrick and Isaiah have persevered through their challenges to succeed.  The reason this is so important is because as the Nike Ad says: “They will tell you No”, so if you’re not willing to tell them ‘Yes’, then who will?

Story from ABC about Derrick Coleman click here.

Story from Sportscenter about Isaiah Austin click here

Your Friends are Your Future

Recently I watched a documentary in the ESPN 30 for 30 series about Maurice Clarett and Jim Tressel called Youngstown Boys.  It centered primarily on Maurice’s tumultuous experience playing football at The Ohio State University and how he was tied to his coach there, Jim Tressel, both from the city of Youngstown, OH.  It was very intriguing, and in the end, inspirational documentary about never giving up.  But something he said during a clip of a speech really stuck out to me, causing me to write this week’s blog.  In response to how he stays strong and on a new path in life, he said, “Show me your friends; I’ll show you your future.”  It was a very brief statement but so very true and insightful.

Maurice’s statement was precisely yet implicitly getting at what friends and colleagues are, your support network.  A solid support network is so crucial to success because as Maurice said, it can determine your future.  I’ve talked about being your own CEO before in a previous blog and making sure you have a strong board of directors that you can depend on for constructive feedback, and directional support as you try to achieve your goals and stay motivated on the path to success.  However, now with his statement, this is getting more at the grass roots and expanding it to the ‘employees’ in that analogy. 

As we traverse on our various paths in life, it’s important that as we are surrounding ourselves with people who lift us up and help motivate us to follow our goals.  It is vital that these people that we interact with on almost an everyday basis are the kind of people that share your values, aspire to do great things, and can positively encourage you during your journey.  More importantly it’s crucial that through their actions and words they are positively influencing you to be who you want to become.  Your basic everyday interactions with your friends can work as a cumulative influential effect when it comes to even the tiniest decisions that you make in life.

We’ve all heard the cliché statement “crabs in a barrel” in regards to those we surround ourselves with pulling us down.  The same is legitimately and conversely true for helping us up out of the barrel if we are trying to be successful and change our circumstances for the better.  There is a challenge of maintaining relationships with where we have come from and not abandoning those friends that were in our lives as we were growing up.  What I would assert is that if these people are still in your life, think about how they influence you and the role that they play.  In addition to this, we all have friends of a wide variety of backgrounds, cultures and some have values that we may disagree with.  That’s the benefit of knowing diverse people who can challenge you to grow.  The danger is when those people do not align with being beneficial to who you desire to be in your own life.

When Life Happens...

In life we spend a lot of our time planning for the future.  We set goals, we make plans and we look forward to the outcomes.  What I’ve learned however is that life happens and sometimes things do not always go according to the plan.  I had a friend in college who used to joke when things went awry by saying, “This is not the life I ordered!”  When our plans get slightly and sometimes significantly derailed by life happening, that is where our true character and strength must prevail.  We must either get back on course, or chart a new one that we decide upon given the circumstances that we’ve encountered.

This past Friday night I was subject to my own personal test.  It’s what led me to thinking about this, and writing this week’s blog.  To set the stage, I am currently in the midst of a very fervent and active job search that has lasted longer than I have expected.  It’s a search that I never would have predicted that I would be involved in based on my plans and career goals.  On Friday night while enjoying a baseball game at a sports bar my vehicle was burglarized and I was the victim of theft.  A window on my vehicle was completely shattered and my laptop (what I thought was hidden well) was stolen.  In the moment when I realized what happened I was overwhelmed with frustration.  My plans for not only the weekend, but for job searching, writing this blog, and other planned financial commitments were all instantaneously and significantly altered.  I couldn’t sleep the night it happened consumed with thoughts about the setback, but the next morning I was resolute that this would not get the best of me.

That’s the message I want to share with you in today’s blog.  Don’t let your unpredictable circumstance get the best of you.  There is always a silver lining and finding that can help be the first step you take to get you back on your feet and ready to be your successful self.  When I woke up on Saturday, I was still alive and unharmed, my vehicle was intact and the easiest of parts to replace was all that was damaged.  I’m able to write this week’s blog despite the fact that my laptop is in the hands of a stranger.  I don’t know how or when I will replace my laptop but that will come in due time, I just have to take it one day at a time. 

The same is true for my job search.  I’m not happy that I’ve been forced into searching for a new position, but there is a silver lining.  I’ve fostered some very meaningful relationships during this time.  I have also learned a lot about myself and that a job does not define who I am, it is merely a part of who I am.  Not only that, but I’ve become a more disciplined and determined person during this time.  This is all a part of my silver lining while I remain committed and determined to find a new position.

There are times where you have faced your own unpredicted circumstances and there are some that are yet to come.  It is not all roses and sunshine in a neat little package, so it’s natural to have frustration, and other emotions set in when things don’t go according to plan.  There’s nothing wrong with that.  My message here is to not let that completely derail you.  Get back up, dust yourself off, find your silver lining and begin to take the steps necessary to be successful again.  You’ve overcome other things in your life, so you can overcome whatever comes your way, you just have to believe in yourself.

Go the Distance

We have all had a slow day that leads us to spending some time on the internet checking out news stories and viral videos.  One headline story has some links on the side of the page to others and before we know it we’ve clicked and read through a labyrinth of articles.  In this same fashion I stumbled across one last week about Meredith Fitzmaurice, a runner who finished a marathon on accident.  An accident?  While whipped up in a frenzy of working out I’ve had great days where I had the energy to push through 5 more minutes on a run, or I did one extra set on the bench working out so I sort of get it.  It is difficult enough for most people to run a marathon and she finished one on accident?  It was hard to imagine how someone could finish a marathon “by accident”.  Or was it?

As I read the article (I’ve attached it below) I was obviously impressed by her accomplishment.  Then I paused and re-read it through a different lens.  I thought about how in life we typically have a path to success that we’ve planned and laid out for ourselves.  We work hard daily at our jobs, in our relationships or on something else in our personal lives.  We prepare ourselves, and do what we can to follow that plan, but life is very unpredictable as we go down that path.  There are the proverbial pot holes, or speed bumps that slow us down, but sometimes much like Meredith we get distracted by something, or something happens, and get unintentionally diverted onto a completely new path. 

Quite often we find this sort of diversion as a setback, and look at it as harmful to our commitment of staying the course.  We get sucked in to vilifying ourselves and beating ourselves up with thoughts such as: “How could this happen?”  “It wasn’t supposed to happen like this.” “What now?”  But what if we approached these diversions differently, and took Meredith’s perspective.  Once she realized she was off course, she asked for a race official on a bike to keep her company while she continued on and she became determined to finish even though it wasn’t her plan to run the full marathon.  When we get off course in our plan, it’s ok to ask for help and reach out to friends, family, neighbors, etc. to ask them to be with us as we continue on.  This is not a moment of weakness, it’s a testament to strength that we continue on despite the diversion.  What’s most important is to not give up.

I had a supervisor tell me once that success occurs when opportunity intersects with preparation.  The phrase comes from Seneca, a Roman philosopher who philosophized that we create our own ‘luck’ in life.  Meredith prepared for a half marathon, got diverted and her achievement superseded her expectations.  She created her own ‘luck’ through her preparation, and when the opportunity presented itself, she was ready to work harder than she planned and eventually achieved an unexpected success. 

As you follow the path you’ve laid out for yourself, whether it is at work, in relationships, or in another aspect of your life it’s important that when things do not go as planned that you don’t lose hope.  Don’t second guess yourself to think I’m not ready for this, I can’t go on.  There will be times where you are diverted from your plan because life is unpredictable, it’s inevitable.  What is important is to remember that you have what it takes to keep on going.  Sometimes you will have to go farther than you expected to reach success, and sometimes it will lead to great things you didn’t think were possible, and didn’t expect to achieve.  Meredith qualified for the Boston Marathon before she expected to, and she was the first woman to finish the unintentional marathon.  Sometimes things don’t go the way they are supposed to but you just have to keep pushing on and believe in yourself that you can finish the race.  Success is in your future, sometimes greater than you expected, you just have to keep pushing yourself.   I believe in you.

The link to the news story is here:

http://www.ottawacitizen.com/sports/Half+marathoner+wins+marathon+mistake/8955604/story.html
 

Watering Your Own Grass

After you read the title for this you might be wondering if I’ve turned in my typing thumb for a green thumb after only one post.  Well, my parents are the better gardeners in the family, so I’ll leave that to them.  The title refers to a meme I saw while scrolling through Facebook inspired me to reexamine a cliché.  (a meme is where a phrase is typically superimposed on a picture).  It took the cliché “The grass is always greener on the other side.” and flipped it on its head.  It said “The grass is greener, where you water it.”

Now it doesn’t take a horticulturist to figure out something as obvious as a plant is greener due to more water.  But it made me think, what if we on a daily basis really applied this meme to our lives the way we typically fall into the trap of the cliché.  I know I’ve been guilty of the thought on quite a few occasions that: “the grass is greener on the other side”.  However as I reflect on the words within the meme, was I really noticing my own grass, and was I cultivating it to be as green as ‘the other side’?  In addition to that, was the grass I was seeing in the proverbial ‘over there’ truly as green as it initially seemed?

I reflected on the times I had wished I was someone else, or had someone else’s position in life.  Occasions that came to mind were watching my friends get married while I was single wishing it was me, driving past multi-million dollar homes wishing I was living there, or even as a young child I can sometimes remember thinking “I wish I had a sibling” (I’m still an only child…um...well adult. But you know what I mean).  I’m sure that at some point, you’ve had a similar line of thinking, or maybe you have it frequently, I’m not here to judge you.  I can tell you that even the most self-confident person has that little green monster of envy rearing its ugly head from time to time evoking the thought “Wow. I wish that was me.”  There is however a danger here when we begin to buy in to this line of thinking.  For some people this envy can lead to resentment toward their situation or worse, resentment toward special people in their lives.  Quite often in those other situations the grass isn’t really that much greener and there are a lot of unseen circumstances that might not be too great that has led to what we deem as ‘greener grasses’. 

I want to encourage you to take the time to water your own grass to make it greener like the meme says.  Take time to be thankful for the things in your own life that you’re truly thankful for.  If you don’t know where to start I will share some suggestions with you to help get you started at the end of this post.  Even if you believe your life situation isn’t the most ideal, I promise you, that you still have green grass to enjoy.  Sometimes that situation you’re looking at isn’t meant for you at that time in your life.  On other occasions you might be missing out on the benefits of your own situation and some really great memorable moments or opportunities because you’re too worried wishing you had someone else’s.

I will concede that there is a thin line here where some people would assert “But it’s just my goal to live in a house or drive a car, etc. like that. What’s wrong with that?”  There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.  Having a goal is something completely different and that’s where watering your own grass comes into play.  Taking the time to assess your situation and what decisions you can make to better yourself or your situation to reach your goal is a substantial way of watering your grass.  Don’t just say I wish that was me.  Look at your situation and make a plan to reach your goals.  Sometimes it takes small goals which can lead to you accomplishing your larger goals.  Finding the things you are thankful for is another way of watering, and it may help you realize that your grass is greener than you originally thought.

I promised to share some suggestions as a sprinkler to help you get started on watering your own grass and you can find those simple tips below.  They might even inspire you to think of other ways.  I have faith in you.  You can make your grass greener, so go for it!!!

Tips for watering your own grass:

1.       Put a notepad next to your bed.  Before you go to sleep write down something good that happened to you during that day.  It can be as simple as I got my favorite parking spot.  After a while you’ll have a record of positive things that have happened to you that you can look at when you’re feeling not so positive.

2.       When you wake up in the morning say to yourself three times “Today is going to be a good day.”  Putting yourself in a positive mindset first thing in the morning will affect the decisions you make all day

3.       Think of an activity that makes you happy and feel good about yourself.  Make a plan to make that activity happen more than once, or on a regular basis.

4.       Think of someone you shared a great memory with that you haven’t talked to in a while and reach out to them to relive that memory.  Do this on multiple occasions with different people you know.  You’ll be able to reconnect with friends and share a good laugh.

5.       Figure out a way to laugh at least twice in a day.  Whether it’s watching a YouTube video, retelling a story, watching a funny movie, etc. There is plenty of scientific research that says laughing is good for your health.

6.       Make a list of 10 things you’re thankful for in your life.  If there are people on your list, take the time to tell them.

7.       If you find yourself saying “I wish that was me”, take the time to write down some concrete steps (big and small) that you can take to make that you.  Then follow through on those steps.  Soon your grass really will be greener. 

Happy Watering!