The Importance of Mentors

This weekend I was having a conversation with some good friends about mentoring and its necessity in the life of college aged males.  We were talking about this demographic because we have intentionally served in the role of a mentor for such males through our work, or fallen into it by circumstances where we found ourselves in that role.  The conversation shifted into a more generalized population of mentoring youth (male and female) because we had all done that before too, but it left me thinking about mentorship.  Mentoring is significant not just in the simplistic way that we typically consider it with age differential and learning from your elders.  Mentoring is crucial to workplace success as well as in friendships and family. 

When I was in graduate school, my supervisor for my assistantship was a very influential workplace mentor.  We could laugh and joke about things, but ultimately she wasn’t afraid to hold me accountable, and have the meaningful and insightful conversations that would eventually help push me to become a better professional.  Sounds like what a supervisor should do, but we know many who don’t follow this formula.  It was the care and concern to teach, not just scold that made the difference.  Not only did she talk the talk with me as she gave me advice, but she walked the walk as I observed her interactions with other people she supervised.  After moving into another position within the organization, I was able to have another supervisor who served a very similar role.  He would constantly challenge and support me to bring the best out of my performance, but he also took the time to help me work on my personal development through my work. 

This type of workplace mentoring is very crucial to building healthy workplace culture.  It is typically referred to as mentor leadership because the leaders within the organization are grooming those that will eventually take the organization into new directions and help it grow.  It feeds into a workplace culture of unity and teamwork, while focusing on making individuals feel valued and respected.  Furthermore, it presents a more holistic approach to supervising individuals instead of just being a ‘boss’ to them.  My mentors always said that I should supervise and mentor supervisees in a way that they can eventually work their way up to be your future peer coworker.  I adopted that philosophy to my supervision, and little did they both know that I would eventually become just that to both of them.  Later on, some people that I supervised would become my peer coworkers as well.  With all of that happening, it truly taught me how important that advice was early in my career experience.

As I’m sure you’re aware, mentors don’t exist in just the workplace, mentors are very important in your personal life as well.  As we go through life we are faced with celebrations and tribulations.  We are faced with obstacles that sometimes seem insurmountable but we get through them.  Ultimately it is up to us to find the motivation to get through these times.  While this is true, there are people in your life who believe in you enough to take the time and effort to help you and support you along the way.  These people are extremely caring and should never be taken for granted.  Some of them will fall into the role of being a mentor to you because you’ll find that their experience, words of guidance, and efforts to help, are critical to your success.  They want to see you succeed just as much as you want to succeed and they’re willing to be there for you along the way.  These relationships should be cultivated and maintained because they are beneficial to your support network in life.  They may not always say what you want to hear, but it’s always something you need to hear.  Sometimes they will encourage you and challenge you to go beyond the limits you’ve set for yourself and in that process of motivation and support is where mentorship is found. 

Having said this it is also necessary to pay it forward.  The concept behind ‘pay it forward’ is that the positivity that you receive in any form, should be mirrored by you doing something kind and just for someone else.  Applying this phrase to mentorship as you progress and move through life it’s important to be there for someone else the same way that someone was there for you.  This is should happen because someone believed in you enough to help you in some way when you needed it.  Therefore you should be willing to help someone else that you believe in as well.

Our communities are constantly in need of mentors and there are people in your life who consider you a mentor whether you’re aware of it or not.  Never lose sight of how you got to your position in life and who was there believing in you when you were struggling, and celebrating you when you were doing well.  Life isn’t always just the roses, it’s the thorns too.  Those that have helped you through both are the people who are a great support network that you can depend on.  As you look at your sphere of influence, and consider the kindness that others have showed you, think about how you can take the time and effort to pay it forward.

 

What's your legacy?

As you know the passing of Nelson Mandela has been all over the news lately.  We have all heard and read in the recent few days about the impact and the leadership that he has shown the world throughout his life.  The frequent discussion about the legacy he has left through death, brought me to think about a challenge I pose to those I have supervised when they start working on my team.  Knowing that they will eventually move on to other jobs and endeavors, I would always ask them, “What do you want your legacy to be when you leave this position?”  Typically this exercise comes in the form of planning and professional development conversations with team members I supervise, but it can easily be placed into the context of every-day life.

It can be extremely overwhelming to look at a man like Nelson Mandela and try to live up to his legacy. Don’t get caught up in being like someone else, or trying to meet their standard.  It’s great to have a role model, but I encourage you to be your own person and utilize your strengths.  This does not mean you shouldn’t try to be great or challenge yourself to think outside of the box.  I’m simply saying do not try to one-up, or match someone else’s legacy, be yourself.

So where do you start?  Start with thinking about what realm of your life you want to start focusing on and you can move on from there.  We are all involved in different things in our lives ranging from church groups, to our jobs, to associations we belong to, or places where we volunteer our time, etc.  You can aim to leave a legacy in all of those aspects of your life and it doesn’t have to be through death.  You can leave a legacy behind through moving to a new place, or moving on to new opportunities.  It can however be difficult to think of all of them at once, so break it down by taking one at a time, and then start with your purpose.  Think about the purpose of why you are involved in that specific group or why you want to start a new endeavor (maybe it’s your own business or a non-profit).

From there, you can begin to think about the goals you’d like to accomplish, as well as your sphere of influence in order to accomplish those goals.  Begin to consider what goals you would like to be known for accomplishing, or maybe there is an initiative that you would like to start within that sphere of influence, or a major project that you want to be involved in.  As you begin to put your time, energy and focus into accomplishing what you’ve set out to do, you will begin to intentionally formulate a legacy. 

I have a close friend that used to say something to students that I have said to others, and carry with me as I encourage people to be the best that they can be.  In regards to making decisions she used to say, “Make sure that you can say yes to two questions.  Is this decision helping me to be who I am? Is this helping me to be who I want to become?”  When we make decisions each day, whether they are big or small, sometimes we will end up with legacies that happen unintentionally because we were simply being true to ourselves.  I do not want to create the misperception that all legacies can be created and controlled.  But if you start being more mindful of the things that you do and say, making sure that they are reflecting who you are, and who you want to become, the chances are that your legacy will eventually be exactly what you want it to be.

So what’s your legacy going to be?

Watering Your Own Grass

After you read the title for this you might be wondering if I’ve turned in my typing thumb for a green thumb after only one post.  Well, my parents are the better gardeners in the family, so I’ll leave that to them.  The title refers to a meme I saw while scrolling through Facebook inspired me to reexamine a cliché.  (a meme is where a phrase is typically superimposed on a picture).  It took the cliché “The grass is always greener on the other side.” and flipped it on its head.  It said “The grass is greener, where you water it.”

Now it doesn’t take a horticulturist to figure out something as obvious as a plant is greener due to more water.  But it made me think, what if we on a daily basis really applied this meme to our lives the way we typically fall into the trap of the cliché.  I know I’ve been guilty of the thought on quite a few occasions that: “the grass is greener on the other side”.  However as I reflect on the words within the meme, was I really noticing my own grass, and was I cultivating it to be as green as ‘the other side’?  In addition to that, was the grass I was seeing in the proverbial ‘over there’ truly as green as it initially seemed?

I reflected on the times I had wished I was someone else, or had someone else’s position in life.  Occasions that came to mind were watching my friends get married while I was single wishing it was me, driving past multi-million dollar homes wishing I was living there, or even as a young child I can sometimes remember thinking “I wish I had a sibling” (I’m still an only child…um...well adult. But you know what I mean).  I’m sure that at some point, you’ve had a similar line of thinking, or maybe you have it frequently, I’m not here to judge you.  I can tell you that even the most self-confident person has that little green monster of envy rearing its ugly head from time to time evoking the thought “Wow. I wish that was me.”  There is however a danger here when we begin to buy in to this line of thinking.  For some people this envy can lead to resentment toward their situation or worse, resentment toward special people in their lives.  Quite often in those other situations the grass isn’t really that much greener and there are a lot of unseen circumstances that might not be too great that has led to what we deem as ‘greener grasses’. 

I want to encourage you to take the time to water your own grass to make it greener like the meme says.  Take time to be thankful for the things in your own life that you’re truly thankful for.  If you don’t know where to start I will share some suggestions with you to help get you started at the end of this post.  Even if you believe your life situation isn’t the most ideal, I promise you, that you still have green grass to enjoy.  Sometimes that situation you’re looking at isn’t meant for you at that time in your life.  On other occasions you might be missing out on the benefits of your own situation and some really great memorable moments or opportunities because you’re too worried wishing you had someone else’s.

I will concede that there is a thin line here where some people would assert “But it’s just my goal to live in a house or drive a car, etc. like that. What’s wrong with that?”  There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.  Having a goal is something completely different and that’s where watering your own grass comes into play.  Taking the time to assess your situation and what decisions you can make to better yourself or your situation to reach your goal is a substantial way of watering your grass.  Don’t just say I wish that was me.  Look at your situation and make a plan to reach your goals.  Sometimes it takes small goals which can lead to you accomplishing your larger goals.  Finding the things you are thankful for is another way of watering, and it may help you realize that your grass is greener than you originally thought.

I promised to share some suggestions as a sprinkler to help you get started on watering your own grass and you can find those simple tips below.  They might even inspire you to think of other ways.  I have faith in you.  You can make your grass greener, so go for it!!!

Tips for watering your own grass:

1.       Put a notepad next to your bed.  Before you go to sleep write down something good that happened to you during that day.  It can be as simple as I got my favorite parking spot.  After a while you’ll have a record of positive things that have happened to you that you can look at when you’re feeling not so positive.

2.       When you wake up in the morning say to yourself three times “Today is going to be a good day.”  Putting yourself in a positive mindset first thing in the morning will affect the decisions you make all day

3.       Think of an activity that makes you happy and feel good about yourself.  Make a plan to make that activity happen more than once, or on a regular basis.

4.       Think of someone you shared a great memory with that you haven’t talked to in a while and reach out to them to relive that memory.  Do this on multiple occasions with different people you know.  You’ll be able to reconnect with friends and share a good laugh.

5.       Figure out a way to laugh at least twice in a day.  Whether it’s watching a YouTube video, retelling a story, watching a funny movie, etc. There is plenty of scientific research that says laughing is good for your health.

6.       Make a list of 10 things you’re thankful for in your life.  If there are people on your list, take the time to tell them.

7.       If you find yourself saying “I wish that was me”, take the time to write down some concrete steps (big and small) that you can take to make that you.  Then follow through on those steps.  Soon your grass really will be greener. 

Happy Watering!