Never Stay Down

Imagine that you’re walking on a city sidewalk on your way to run an errand.  You’re walking with a purposeful stride, the sun is out, life is good, and you’re on a mission to get things done.  As your head is on a swivel taking in your surroundings at eye level, there is chip in the sidewalk ahead of you.  It’s sitting there with impending misfortune for your next few steps and you’re completely unaware of the foreshadowing that is about to become reality.  The toe of your shoe catches the jagged sidewalk and you stumble and fall to the ground.  After gathering yourself, you stare back at the chip that led to your demise with severe disdain as you check your hands, elbows and knees.  With no physical damage done, your cheeks are a bit flushed with embarrassment.  Then without a second thought, you get up and continue on your way to reach your destination.  I take you through this scenario because we’ve all experienced something similar, and in each situation we always get up and continue on our way after we stumble or fall. 

Life is full of unexpected chipped sidewalks laying in our paths as we pursue our goals.  Sometimes it’s the loss of a job, failing a class, a break up/divorce, financial struggles or anything else that we don’t anticipate that makes us stumble and fall on our path through life.  But similar to the above scenario as if it was an actual chip in the sidewalk that we stumbled on, we need to get back up and continue on our way.

When life’s unforeseen obstacles make us fall, our pride might take a hit and quite often there is some pain that comes with it.  Sure it may hurt for a while or we might be lucky and it’s a short lived pain.  Ultimately however, it will not hurt forever, and we can heal from those heartaches and pains that make us feel like a failure, or that we aren’t good enough.  What matters most is that we don’t give up moving forward and just sit there stationary in our lives because of one misstep.  Imagine if you were still sitting in the spot where you last tripped and fell on the ground.  There’s no way that you would sit on that sidewalk for days, months or years without getting up.  So if you wouldn’t let that happen, then let’s not get stuck in the rut we’ve fallen in after getting knocked down in life.

Sure it seems easy for me to say to you from outside the box as I sit behind my laptop writing this, because I don’t know your story or what you’re going through.  But I do know that you’re a strong person and so am I, and we’ve all survived difficult times in our lives before.  Quite often it is very tough when we’re in a situation to see a way out of it, but we’ve survived hardships before, so we can do it again!  This isn’t the first and it certainly won’t be the last time we stumble and fall, so let’s get back up and keep on pursuing that dream, chasing that goal, and making a difference before we stumbled and fell.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned through experience it’s that life doesn’t always go the way we’ve planned it.  It’s filled with those cracked sidewalks to make us trip, and fall, and it’s filled with plenty of detours as well.  The shortest distance between two points is a straight line, but there’s always a detour when it comes to life and it certainly isn’t always linear. 

That’s when we need to dig deep within ourselves to find that intrinsic motivation and refocus on our goals.  Figure out what our true motivation was at the beginning of our journey before we fell.  This is the first step to help picking ourselves back up.  Sometimes there is some pain in getting back up, and we need others to help us out.  It feels dependent, when all we want is independence, but there’s nothing wrong with that.  That’s the time when we look to family and friends, people in our community, or our social/professional network that can help get us back on our feet after getting knocked down.  Other times we need to pay a little more attention to the details and maybe retry something with a little more effort but just slightly change it.  Then the next time that chip in the sidewalk gets closer, we can step right over it, and keep on walking.

It’s important to remember that no matter what, we should not stay down.  We need to take some time to make sure we’re ok and ready to get back up.  Then make it happen, and stand stronger than ever while moving forward with the purpose and determination headed in the direction of success that we were moving towards before we fell.

 

 

Strengths and Weaknesses

We are all pretty familiar with the terms strengths and weaknesses.  Sometimes they are used to weigh the options of a personal choice, categories on an employee evaluation, or a question in an interview such as “What are your strengths, and weaknesses?”  I’ve come across it multiple times in those situations as well as while running S.W.O.T. analysis in the beginning stages of project development to evaluate its potential before full development, and launching it.  (S.W.O.T stands for Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, and Threats)  No matter the setting, strengths and weaknesses are common bedfellows but frequently used in opposition to each other.

Despite the words being used in a contrasting way, which is a context that they are habitually placed in, let us suppose that a strength can be a weakness and vice versa.  Initially this sounds like something that can’t truly be possible because one tends to think that if my strengths are what I’m good at, there is no way it can be something I’m bad at as well.  The reality is, that it is very possible, and something that we need to be aware of as we all embark in roles of leadership and supervision as well as in our daily personal lives. 

I was engaged in a conversation with a friend recently, and we were talking about optimism and how it can be a great quality to have, but be a hindrance as well.  During this discussion it was brought up that with a great amount of optimism it is easy to find the silver lining and see that things will work out for the better.  On the surface, we can all agree that this is an uplifting and empowering disposition to have.  However, as the conversation progressed, I began to understand that sometimes this way of thinking can prevent someone from facing the realities of certain circumstances.  In turn it can stunt someone from stepping out of their comfort zone to take the action steps necessary in the interim before that desired optimistic ending happens. 

Therefore finding a balance is important, and it’s healthy to have a little fear mixed in with that optimism shifting from the thought process of "It will all work out!", to "I better make something work out."  Some label the “It’ll all work out” attitude as fatalistic optimism and as my friend pointed out in our discussion, a balance is crucial to have so that one can take important actions along the way of reaching the light at the end of the tunnel.

My penchant for conversation that exercises my brain left me processing this idea of your strengths can be your weaknesses long after the conversation was over.  As I mulled it over during this time, it was very evident that it can be true with almost any positive trait that we have, and the same is true for traits that we label our weaknesses.  They can become strengths, in the right situations, but it heavily depends on the situation you’re in and how you are using your traits at that instantaneous point. 

Whether it is in the workplace or in your personal life it is important to do a lot of self-reflection to be aware of what your strengths and weaknesses are.  Furthermore self-awareness to know how you are using those traits, and the effect they can have when fully dominant is important as well.  We should know how best to utilize our strengths and weaknesses, and when to balance them out to maximize our productivity at work and at home. 

When Life Happens...

In life we spend a lot of our time planning for the future.  We set goals, we make plans and we look forward to the outcomes.  What I’ve learned however is that life happens and sometimes things do not always go according to the plan.  I had a friend in college who used to joke when things went awry by saying, “This is not the life I ordered!”  When our plans get slightly and sometimes significantly derailed by life happening, that is where our true character and strength must prevail.  We must either get back on course, or chart a new one that we decide upon given the circumstances that we’ve encountered.

This past Friday night I was subject to my own personal test.  It’s what led me to thinking about this, and writing this week’s blog.  To set the stage, I am currently in the midst of a very fervent and active job search that has lasted longer than I have expected.  It’s a search that I never would have predicted that I would be involved in based on my plans and career goals.  On Friday night while enjoying a baseball game at a sports bar my vehicle was burglarized and I was the victim of theft.  A window on my vehicle was completely shattered and my laptop (what I thought was hidden well) was stolen.  In the moment when I realized what happened I was overwhelmed with frustration.  My plans for not only the weekend, but for job searching, writing this blog, and other planned financial commitments were all instantaneously and significantly altered.  I couldn’t sleep the night it happened consumed with thoughts about the setback, but the next morning I was resolute that this would not get the best of me.

That’s the message I want to share with you in today’s blog.  Don’t let your unpredictable circumstance get the best of you.  There is always a silver lining and finding that can help be the first step you take to get you back on your feet and ready to be your successful self.  When I woke up on Saturday, I was still alive and unharmed, my vehicle was intact and the easiest of parts to replace was all that was damaged.  I’m able to write this week’s blog despite the fact that my laptop is in the hands of a stranger.  I don’t know how or when I will replace my laptop but that will come in due time, I just have to take it one day at a time. 

The same is true for my job search.  I’m not happy that I’ve been forced into searching for a new position, but there is a silver lining.  I’ve fostered some very meaningful relationships during this time.  I have also learned a lot about myself and that a job does not define who I am, it is merely a part of who I am.  Not only that, but I’ve become a more disciplined and determined person during this time.  This is all a part of my silver lining while I remain committed and determined to find a new position.

There are times where you have faced your own unpredicted circumstances and there are some that are yet to come.  It is not all roses and sunshine in a neat little package, so it’s natural to have frustration, and other emotions set in when things don’t go according to plan.  There’s nothing wrong with that.  My message here is to not let that completely derail you.  Get back up, dust yourself off, find your silver lining and begin to take the steps necessary to be successful again.  You’ve overcome other things in your life, so you can overcome whatever comes your way, you just have to believe in yourself.

Go the Distance

We have all had a slow day that leads us to spending some time on the internet checking out news stories and viral videos.  One headline story has some links on the side of the page to others and before we know it we’ve clicked and read through a labyrinth of articles.  In this same fashion I stumbled across one last week about Meredith Fitzmaurice, a runner who finished a marathon on accident.  An accident?  While whipped up in a frenzy of working out I’ve had great days where I had the energy to push through 5 more minutes on a run, or I did one extra set on the bench working out so I sort of get it.  It is difficult enough for most people to run a marathon and she finished one on accident?  It was hard to imagine how someone could finish a marathon “by accident”.  Or was it?

As I read the article (I’ve attached it below) I was obviously impressed by her accomplishment.  Then I paused and re-read it through a different lens.  I thought about how in life we typically have a path to success that we’ve planned and laid out for ourselves.  We work hard daily at our jobs, in our relationships or on something else in our personal lives.  We prepare ourselves, and do what we can to follow that plan, but life is very unpredictable as we go down that path.  There are the proverbial pot holes, or speed bumps that slow us down, but sometimes much like Meredith we get distracted by something, or something happens, and get unintentionally diverted onto a completely new path. 

Quite often we find this sort of diversion as a setback, and look at it as harmful to our commitment of staying the course.  We get sucked in to vilifying ourselves and beating ourselves up with thoughts such as: “How could this happen?”  “It wasn’t supposed to happen like this.” “What now?”  But what if we approached these diversions differently, and took Meredith’s perspective.  Once she realized she was off course, she asked for a race official on a bike to keep her company while she continued on and she became determined to finish even though it wasn’t her plan to run the full marathon.  When we get off course in our plan, it’s ok to ask for help and reach out to friends, family, neighbors, etc. to ask them to be with us as we continue on.  This is not a moment of weakness, it’s a testament to strength that we continue on despite the diversion.  What’s most important is to not give up.

I had a supervisor tell me once that success occurs when opportunity intersects with preparation.  The phrase comes from Seneca, a Roman philosopher who philosophized that we create our own ‘luck’ in life.  Meredith prepared for a half marathon, got diverted and her achievement superseded her expectations.  She created her own ‘luck’ through her preparation, and when the opportunity presented itself, she was ready to work harder than she planned and eventually achieved an unexpected success. 

As you follow the path you’ve laid out for yourself, whether it is at work, in relationships, or in another aspect of your life it’s important that when things do not go as planned that you don’t lose hope.  Don’t second guess yourself to think I’m not ready for this, I can’t go on.  There will be times where you are diverted from your plan because life is unpredictable, it’s inevitable.  What is important is to remember that you have what it takes to keep on going.  Sometimes you will have to go farther than you expected to reach success, and sometimes it will lead to great things you didn’t think were possible, and didn’t expect to achieve.  Meredith qualified for the Boston Marathon before she expected to, and she was the first woman to finish the unintentional marathon.  Sometimes things don’t go the way they are supposed to but you just have to keep pushing on and believe in yourself that you can finish the race.  Success is in your future, sometimes greater than you expected, you just have to keep pushing yourself.   I believe in you.

The link to the news story is here:

http://www.ottawacitizen.com/sports/Half+marathoner+wins+marathon+mistake/8955604/story.html