Thankful for Good...and Bad?

As the Thanksgiving Holiday draws closer by the hour, we see on many social media networks people asking friends to post what they are thankful for.  This is certainly the perfect season to be pensive of what we appreciate and to share that gratitude with our friends and family as we all get together and reconnect this upcoming weekend.  There is plenty in my life that I am grateful for, and the ease of creating such a list is something in and of itself I am thankful for.  I won’t bore you with my full inventory here, but as I watched others post their thankful lists on Facebook, some by the day, others by the week, I started to notice a pattern.  I noticed that so many things were related to family, pets, jobs, and all around very positive feel-good type things.  This got me to start thinking (not in a scrooge bah-humbug way) but what about the not-so-good things; can we be thankful for those too?  In that moment, I found this week’s blog.

I started to think about the potential for being thankful for the unconventional not-so-good things that people usually aren’t thankful for.  I wondered if I could still be thankful for some of those things even though in the moment it was painful and difficult and the answer was, “Yes”.  You’re probably thinking I went off the deep end and how could that be so, but it’s possible.  I’ve written about finding a silver lining in a previous post titled ‘When Life Happens…’ but this is something a little bit different.  I’m referring to being thankful for something after the event or occurrence has happened in a reflection for how it has contributed to making us a better and stronger person, not just finding something positive in the moment to get through it.  I’m also not saying you should be thankful for every bad thing that has happened to you, but there are some that might not be as bad when we look back on it.

A prime personal example of that was the end of my dream of becoming a doctor.  As a child, adults always ask, “What you want to be when you grow up?”.  For as long as I can remember my answer was consistently ‘A doctor’.  In college my experiences coaching youth basketball, volunteering as a mentor for kids, and substitute teaching narrowed my answer down to ‘A Pediatrician’.  The next thing I knew I was walking across the stage with a Pre-Med Physiology degree, but I had received rejection letters from the medical schools that I applied to.  Instead of becoming a Pediatrician, I pursued a Master’s Degree in Health Communications.  While in that program I was an Assistant Hall Director and discovered and built a career in Student Affairs.  I couldn’t have been more thankful for those med. school rejection letters because student affairs (Residence Life to be specific) was where I had some of the most amazing experiences, and met an abundance of wonderful people, staff and students.  At the time yes, the rejection letters were devastating, but I could never have predicted such a bright light at the end of the tunnel and looking back on it, I am thankful for what it lead to.

When asked what we are thankful for we tend to focus on the easy things that make us happy and that are positive. There’s nothing wrong with that because that’s great, I always encourage positivity.  But it’s also important to reflect on the tough times that have made us who we are today.  The things many people focus on as regrets, are instead the events and occurrences that have given us an opportunity to be stronger, smarter, and better people.  I’m not saying you should ruin your Thanksgiving by flooding your thoughts with bad stuff that has happened to you.  However it is important to think about the things that have made you who you are today, that may not have been ideal at the time but now could be something you would be thankful for happening because without it, you would never be who you are today.  We should learn to live our lives with no regrets.  Stop looking back and saying “I could’ve, would’ve, should’ve”.  The bottom line is that it happened, and you can move forward carrying with you the knowledge and experience gained to make your own life and the lives of others better.  We can be thankful for those times as well as everything else that is feel-good and positive.

When Life Happens...

In life we spend a lot of our time planning for the future.  We set goals, we make plans and we look forward to the outcomes.  What I’ve learned however is that life happens and sometimes things do not always go according to the plan.  I had a friend in college who used to joke when things went awry by saying, “This is not the life I ordered!”  When our plans get slightly and sometimes significantly derailed by life happening, that is where our true character and strength must prevail.  We must either get back on course, or chart a new one that we decide upon given the circumstances that we’ve encountered.

This past Friday night I was subject to my own personal test.  It’s what led me to thinking about this, and writing this week’s blog.  To set the stage, I am currently in the midst of a very fervent and active job search that has lasted longer than I have expected.  It’s a search that I never would have predicted that I would be involved in based on my plans and career goals.  On Friday night while enjoying a baseball game at a sports bar my vehicle was burglarized and I was the victim of theft.  A window on my vehicle was completely shattered and my laptop (what I thought was hidden well) was stolen.  In the moment when I realized what happened I was overwhelmed with frustration.  My plans for not only the weekend, but for job searching, writing this blog, and other planned financial commitments were all instantaneously and significantly altered.  I couldn’t sleep the night it happened consumed with thoughts about the setback, but the next morning I was resolute that this would not get the best of me.

That’s the message I want to share with you in today’s blog.  Don’t let your unpredictable circumstance get the best of you.  There is always a silver lining and finding that can help be the first step you take to get you back on your feet and ready to be your successful self.  When I woke up on Saturday, I was still alive and unharmed, my vehicle was intact and the easiest of parts to replace was all that was damaged.  I’m able to write this week’s blog despite the fact that my laptop is in the hands of a stranger.  I don’t know how or when I will replace my laptop but that will come in due time, I just have to take it one day at a time. 

The same is true for my job search.  I’m not happy that I’ve been forced into searching for a new position, but there is a silver lining.  I’ve fostered some very meaningful relationships during this time.  I have also learned a lot about myself and that a job does not define who I am, it is merely a part of who I am.  Not only that, but I’ve become a more disciplined and determined person during this time.  This is all a part of my silver lining while I remain committed and determined to find a new position.

There are times where you have faced your own unpredicted circumstances and there are some that are yet to come.  It is not all roses and sunshine in a neat little package, so it’s natural to have frustration, and other emotions set in when things don’t go according to plan.  There’s nothing wrong with that.  My message here is to not let that completely derail you.  Get back up, dust yourself off, find your silver lining and begin to take the steps necessary to be successful again.  You’ve overcome other things in your life, so you can overcome whatever comes your way, you just have to believe in yourself.