Your Friends are Your Future

Recently I watched a documentary in the ESPN 30 for 30 series about Maurice Clarett and Jim Tressel called Youngstown Boys.  It centered primarily on Maurice’s tumultuous experience playing football at The Ohio State University and how he was tied to his coach there, Jim Tressel, both from the city of Youngstown, OH.  It was very intriguing, and in the end, inspirational documentary about never giving up.  But something he said during a clip of a speech really stuck out to me, causing me to write this week’s blog.  In response to how he stays strong and on a new path in life, he said, “Show me your friends; I’ll show you your future.”  It was a very brief statement but so very true and insightful.

Maurice’s statement was precisely yet implicitly getting at what friends and colleagues are, your support network.  A solid support network is so crucial to success because as Maurice said, it can determine your future.  I’ve talked about being your own CEO before in a previous blog and making sure you have a strong board of directors that you can depend on for constructive feedback, and directional support as you try to achieve your goals and stay motivated on the path to success.  However, now with his statement, this is getting more at the grass roots and expanding it to the ‘employees’ in that analogy. 

As we traverse on our various paths in life, it’s important that as we are surrounding ourselves with people who lift us up and help motivate us to follow our goals.  It is vital that these people that we interact with on almost an everyday basis are the kind of people that share your values, aspire to do great things, and can positively encourage you during your journey.  More importantly it’s crucial that through their actions and words they are positively influencing you to be who you want to become.  Your basic everyday interactions with your friends can work as a cumulative influential effect when it comes to even the tiniest decisions that you make in life.

We’ve all heard the cliché statement “crabs in a barrel” in regards to those we surround ourselves with pulling us down.  The same is legitimately and conversely true for helping us up out of the barrel if we are trying to be successful and change our circumstances for the better.  There is a challenge of maintaining relationships with where we have come from and not abandoning those friends that were in our lives as we were growing up.  What I would assert is that if these people are still in your life, think about how they influence you and the role that they play.  In addition to this, we all have friends of a wide variety of backgrounds, cultures and some have values that we may disagree with.  That’s the benefit of knowing diverse people who can challenge you to grow.  The danger is when those people do not align with being beneficial to who you desire to be in your own life.

What's your legacy?

As you know the passing of Nelson Mandela has been all over the news lately.  We have all heard and read in the recent few days about the impact and the leadership that he has shown the world throughout his life.  The frequent discussion about the legacy he has left through death, brought me to think about a challenge I pose to those I have supervised when they start working on my team.  Knowing that they will eventually move on to other jobs and endeavors, I would always ask them, “What do you want your legacy to be when you leave this position?”  Typically this exercise comes in the form of planning and professional development conversations with team members I supervise, but it can easily be placed into the context of every-day life.

It can be extremely overwhelming to look at a man like Nelson Mandela and try to live up to his legacy. Don’t get caught up in being like someone else, or trying to meet their standard.  It’s great to have a role model, but I encourage you to be your own person and utilize your strengths.  This does not mean you shouldn’t try to be great or challenge yourself to think outside of the box.  I’m simply saying do not try to one-up, or match someone else’s legacy, be yourself.

So where do you start?  Start with thinking about what realm of your life you want to start focusing on and you can move on from there.  We are all involved in different things in our lives ranging from church groups, to our jobs, to associations we belong to, or places where we volunteer our time, etc.  You can aim to leave a legacy in all of those aspects of your life and it doesn’t have to be through death.  You can leave a legacy behind through moving to a new place, or moving on to new opportunities.  It can however be difficult to think of all of them at once, so break it down by taking one at a time, and then start with your purpose.  Think about the purpose of why you are involved in that specific group or why you want to start a new endeavor (maybe it’s your own business or a non-profit).

From there, you can begin to think about the goals you’d like to accomplish, as well as your sphere of influence in order to accomplish those goals.  Begin to consider what goals you would like to be known for accomplishing, or maybe there is an initiative that you would like to start within that sphere of influence, or a major project that you want to be involved in.  As you begin to put your time, energy and focus into accomplishing what you’ve set out to do, you will begin to intentionally formulate a legacy. 

I have a close friend that used to say something to students that I have said to others, and carry with me as I encourage people to be the best that they can be.  In regards to making decisions she used to say, “Make sure that you can say yes to two questions.  Is this decision helping me to be who I am? Is this helping me to be who I want to become?”  When we make decisions each day, whether they are big or small, sometimes we will end up with legacies that happen unintentionally because we were simply being true to ourselves.  I do not want to create the misperception that all legacies can be created and controlled.  But if you start being more mindful of the things that you do and say, making sure that they are reflecting who you are, and who you want to become, the chances are that your legacy will eventually be exactly what you want it to be.

So what’s your legacy going to be?