Why Not You?

Similar to many people, I spent this past Sunday night in front of the television, watching the Super Bowl.  My team (The Dallas Cowboys) were unfortunately not in the game, so I was not as invested in the outcome of the game as some of my friends who were watching with me.  As I watched, the temptation of various topics for this week was overwhelming.  There was too much easy material to work with in addition to what I had already planned to write about.  However, I abandoned other potential topic plans when I heard Russell Wilson in one of his many post-game championship interviews.  He was asked about a phrase that his father used to tell him that he used with his teammates to get them ready for the game, which was “Why not us?”

The phrase stuck with me throughout the rest of the night.  I thought about how simple yet how powerful a statement it was.  The phrase rattled around in my thoughts as I drove home and I whittled it down to the singular version and the exact phrase that Russell’s father reportedly used with Russell, “Why not you?” 

His father used it with him as naysayers told Russell that he was too short to play quarterback and had other critiques.  Russell’s dad would ask him “Why not you?”  Russell would go on to win a Big Ten Championship in college as a quarterback, and win the Super Bowl, arguably the biggest stage that sports can offer.  I’m not going to compare myself to Russell Wilson, but I admittedly have let the thought “No, not me” creep into my conscience before.  Sometimes I’ve been right, others I’ve been wrong, and maybe you have succumbed to those same thoughts of “No, not me” when considering something.  It could be asking that special someone on a first date, applying for a job, asking for a promotion or raise, trying to start a business venture, or even something as simple as exercising to meet a health goal.

Instead of saying “No, not me” and talking ourselves out of something, it’s time that we all recognize our self-worth and potential.  We need to stop defeating ourselves before the fight even happens, and stop convincing ourselves what our limits are before we even attempt something.  Somewhere between our youth and adulthood we lose some of our naivety of thinking big, imagining and visioning great things and believing that we can accomplish lofty goals.  Sure there are certain realities that exist such as I can’t be an all-star basketball player tomorrow, or run for president next year.  But if I put my mind to something and put in the necessary work, then “Why not me?” and if you did the same “Why not you?”

In life we feel like we need to have the answers to everything, and be able to rationalize things.  That’s where this “No, not me” defeatist attitude festers from.  We can rationalize and think of all the reasons why something doesn’t make sense to fit us and why it shouldn’t happen.  It’s time to make a paradigm shift in our thinking and start saying Russell’s father’s phrase to ourselves, “Why not you?”

So instead of focusing on your limits and what you can’t do, focus on your strengths and what your potential is.  Look at and focus on your hopes and dreams and focus on how you can harness the power of the strength of your skills to make that happen.  When your areas of improvement (I refuse to call them weaknesses) enter your mind, become solution oriented and figure out how to overcome those so that “It can be me!” becomes more of a reality.  Surround yourself with supportive people through networking and current relationships and share your hopes and dreams with them.  They might be able to help you in some way achieve what you want to achieve.  Then, as a mentor once told me, take that leap.  Go beyond what you feel comfortable attempting.  Make things happen.  You could really surprise yourself with how great you really are, accomplish your dreams and you may even reach beyond what you thought was your potential.  Now if for any reason it doesn’t work out, don’t quit and give up.  You deserve to experience greatness just like any other person, so try again even harder the next time, look in the mirror and say "Why not you?"

 

Be Vulnerable

I enjoy intellectually stimulating experiences, so I’m addicted to watching TED talks.  If you’re not familiar with them, TED stands for Technology, Entertainment, Design and it’s a conference that brings together some of the most brilliant minds to talk about a myriad of topics and the talks are posted online.  Almost a year ago I came across a TED talk by Brené Brown about vulnerability and instantaneously I was enthralled with her message.  It was so poignant that I watched the video again, and searched YouTube to find more of her talks.

Brené is a shame and vulnerability researcher and it was her second TED talk that I watched that really hit home.  (I posted it below if you’re interested)  I had my own share of life events going on when I watched her and that’s why it was revolutionary for me.  I recently revisited it and that’s what brought me to write this post.  Her talk helped shift my perspective on the way I approached things in my life and how I interacted with those I considered important in my life.  I shared it with close friends and even built a training session around it for the team I supervised in order to create a shift in the workplace culture.  Now I’m sharing it with you because I admire her work and her message.

We hinder our full potential to achieve great things and live happily if we continue to hide under a security blanket.  You’ve done this and I’ve done this.  We’ve played it safe in a meeting, or a classroom, or in friendships and relationships.  We succumb to the voice of shame that she talks about and ultimately as I’ve talked about in a previous post, a paralysis by analysis happens.  We get stuck by over thinking the problem, out of a fear of failure in trying to solve it. 

It takes courage to be vulnerable and let people see your true self, and who you can be.  Yes sometimes it will lead to heartache, or something that doesn’t feel so good.  But there is a great potential inside you, and for the security of playing it safe, you’ve put up a wall to hide behind.  This wall is preventing you from being your authentic self and that’s a horrible thing because you’re great and you have greatness to share with the world. 

We are constantly in personal construction zones building fortified walls believing that the more walls we put up the safer we will be.  Sure there is some part of this that serves as a coping mechanism to be safer in many situations, but we are then protecting ourselves from emotions, connections, and the opportunity to experience life in its full, vivid, robust entirety as it was meant to be.  Who doesn’t want to meet that new best friend that you can share a million laughs with, or meet the person of your dreams?  Or worse you could miss out on that exhilarating and memorable experience that you never would have had unless you made yourself vulnerable. 

I haven’t been perfect at this so let’s not think that I do it in every situation, but I’m a work in progress and I make an effort to be more vulnerable so you can too.  Trust me it feels awkward at first because we aren’t socialized to be this way, but I’ve found more genuine relationships have been built because of it, and I feel more at ease not worrying what people will think.  I convinced myself wouldn’t I rather be around people who want the real me, as opposed to some tailored version to make them happy?

Brené says that vulnerability is our ability to be honest and to be seen.  I truly believe that statement and believe that is who we want to surround ourselves with.  We want friends, spouses, significant others and coworkers to be real, to be authentic.  If we are not authentic in return we won’t be able to foster such relationships.  That’s why without vulnerability that cannot occur.  So be yourself and take the risk that Brené talks about.  I believe in you.

 

 

The link to her TED talk that I enjoyed so much:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=psN1DORYYV0