Thank You Dad

With Sunday rapidly approaching, Father’s Day is getting closer and closer.  I vowed to write about my dad and give him his time in the spotlight after writing a post about my mom on the Tuesday leading up to Mother’s Day, so here we are.  I want to focus on him and talk a little bit about why he’s so special to me and hopefully some of what you read will remind you of your own dad or someone who played a father figure in your life.

Father’s Day is a special day for me because it always causes me to reflect on my dad and the impact he has had in my life, but it also causes me to think about the type of father I want to be when that time happens.  I don’t have any kids right now and I have to say that I really look forward to the day when I become a dad.  I’m not rushing into anything, but I eagerly anticipate that time with a certain fondness because of my own positive childhood experiences, and I aim to live up to my dad’s model of fatherhood to my child(ren).

Some of my earliest memories of my dad are quality time experiences of him teaching me to ride a bike, watching Saturday morning cartoons, and sledding together.  I also learned how to play soccer from him, and he was an assistant coach on a couple of my youth league teams.  Whether he was a coach on the team or not, on the way home we would talk about the games I played in and throughout the week I would pull him out into the backyard to practice kicking the ball around and to build my skills.  We would watch professional soccer games together on TV and also get excited about the World Cup (I’m sure we will have some lively conversations about World Cup Brazil 2014 which kicks off soon).  I remember when I showed an interest in basketball too.  My dad went out, bought a rim, and made a backboard with a painted Spartan ‘S’ on it for my favorite team, Michigan State.  He put the whole thing on our garage above the door making sure it measured the regulation 10 feet, and we would spend many evenings in the driveway shooting around and hanging out.

My dad is a bit of the strong silent type until you get him warmed up and chatting.  Then watch out, because it will be open season for jokes, and some friendly funny sarcastic jabs.  If he starts to talk about a topic on national or world affairs, I learned very quickly at an early age that I would be in for one heck of an educational lesson.  You see my dad has a PhD in Political Science so one question about something on the national news can easily turn into a 2 hour conversation about the history of why that event happened, at least 5 or 6 potential outcomes of what the result can be, and who knows what other useful information will get thrown in there.  Even watching a movie (fictional or not) based on a historical event can turn into an eye opening educational moment with my dad.  I always listened in amazement at how much he knew, never getting bored, and I remember thinking as a child that I needed to get my dad on Jeopardy one day.  But those are some of the best conversations that I’ve had with my dad, and what has fueled my own curiosity to collect a wealth of knowledge and seek out answers.  Sometimes he wouldn’t give me the easy answer when I had a question and would say go look it up instead.  I wasn’t the happiest when I heard that because during a very significant part of my childhood there was no such thing as Google, or even the internet.  So paper cuts from reading and flipping through the encyclopedia and reporting back what I found was how I got to some answers from questions I had and then we would talk about what I found. 

Some of the other best conversations I had were sitting with my dad getting my hair cut.  He cut my hair throughout my entire life until I moved to Austin about 3 years ago.  Besides playing soccer and basketball with him, my haircuts have been some of the best father son times we have had so far.  We would engage in all sorts of great conversations about current events, things happening in school, dating, and almost any other life circumstance you can imagine.  Those were truly some special times that we spent together bonding as I learned life lessons, how to be a mature adult, and laughing together.

I’ve probably written it in numerous Father’s Day cards to him, but if I could achieve even half the things as a father that my dad has done for me, I would consider myself a great dad.  I’m not even referring to the financial support side of things because my best memories were never rooted in a dollar amount that he spent on me, but quality time spent together as I grew up.  That’s one of the things that makes my dad so special to me, is the quality time we have spent together.

Whether it was going to my first Yankee game with him, watching Saturday morning cartoons together, learning about worldly events, playing sports together, laughing together or anything else, my dad has always been there for me.  I understand what a privilege that is, and I am absolutely grateful for having that relationship with him, so I do not take it for granted at all.  My goal is that when I become a father that I can be a great dad for my child(ren) the way he has been for me.  He’s my role model as a man and a father, a best friend, a fill in older brother (since I’m an only child), and one heck of a great listener.  Love you Dad.

This pic is from my family's 1st visit to old Yankee Stadium the year they closed it.

Definitely in my top 10 of father-son moments with my dad.

The Importance of Mentors

This weekend I was having a conversation with some good friends about mentoring and its necessity in the life of college aged males.  We were talking about this demographic because we have intentionally served in the role of a mentor for such males through our work, or fallen into it by circumstances where we found ourselves in that role.  The conversation shifted into a more generalized population of mentoring youth (male and female) because we had all done that before too, but it left me thinking about mentorship.  Mentoring is significant not just in the simplistic way that we typically consider it with age differential and learning from your elders.  Mentoring is crucial to workplace success as well as in friendships and family. 

When I was in graduate school, my supervisor for my assistantship was a very influential workplace mentor.  We could laugh and joke about things, but ultimately she wasn’t afraid to hold me accountable, and have the meaningful and insightful conversations that would eventually help push me to become a better professional.  Sounds like what a supervisor should do, but we know many who don’t follow this formula.  It was the care and concern to teach, not just scold that made the difference.  Not only did she talk the talk with me as she gave me advice, but she walked the walk as I observed her interactions with other people she supervised.  After moving into another position within the organization, I was able to have another supervisor who served a very similar role.  He would constantly challenge and support me to bring the best out of my performance, but he also took the time to help me work on my personal development through my work. 

This type of workplace mentoring is very crucial to building healthy workplace culture.  It is typically referred to as mentor leadership because the leaders within the organization are grooming those that will eventually take the organization into new directions and help it grow.  It feeds into a workplace culture of unity and teamwork, while focusing on making individuals feel valued and respected.  Furthermore, it presents a more holistic approach to supervising individuals instead of just being a ‘boss’ to them.  My mentors always said that I should supervise and mentor supervisees in a way that they can eventually work their way up to be your future peer coworker.  I adopted that philosophy to my supervision, and little did they both know that I would eventually become just that to both of them.  Later on, some people that I supervised would become my peer coworkers as well.  With all of that happening, it truly taught me how important that advice was early in my career experience.

As I’m sure you’re aware, mentors don’t exist in just the workplace, mentors are very important in your personal life as well.  As we go through life we are faced with celebrations and tribulations.  We are faced with obstacles that sometimes seem insurmountable but we get through them.  Ultimately it is up to us to find the motivation to get through these times.  While this is true, there are people in your life who believe in you enough to take the time and effort to help you and support you along the way.  These people are extremely caring and should never be taken for granted.  Some of them will fall into the role of being a mentor to you because you’ll find that their experience, words of guidance, and efforts to help, are critical to your success.  They want to see you succeed just as much as you want to succeed and they’re willing to be there for you along the way.  These relationships should be cultivated and maintained because they are beneficial to your support network in life.  They may not always say what you want to hear, but it’s always something you need to hear.  Sometimes they will encourage you and challenge you to go beyond the limits you’ve set for yourself and in that process of motivation and support is where mentorship is found. 

Having said this it is also necessary to pay it forward.  The concept behind ‘pay it forward’ is that the positivity that you receive in any form, should be mirrored by you doing something kind and just for someone else.  Applying this phrase to mentorship as you progress and move through life it’s important to be there for someone else the same way that someone was there for you.  This is should happen because someone believed in you enough to help you in some way when you needed it.  Therefore you should be willing to help someone else that you believe in as well.

Our communities are constantly in need of mentors and there are people in your life who consider you a mentor whether you’re aware of it or not.  Never lose sight of how you got to your position in life and who was there believing in you when you were struggling, and celebrating you when you were doing well.  Life isn’t always just the roses, it’s the thorns too.  Those that have helped you through both are the people who are a great support network that you can depend on.  As you look at your sphere of influence, and consider the kindness that others have showed you, think about how you can take the time and effort to pay it forward.

 

You Are Your Own C.E.O.

I recently attended my first job fair as someone seeking employment.  I have been on the other side of the table recruiting on a few occasions representing a university but this was a completely new endeavor.  I left with a lot of thoughts on the experience and feeling like I was selling myself to recruiters the whole time.  I was representing myself as if I was a product they should buy and invest in.  I know that this is exactly what you are supposed to do at job fairs, but it caused me to explore this topic of being the C.E.O. of yourself and how if you see yourself as a business, it can be a guide for success.

Board of Directors – The majority of businesses have a board of directors.  If you are to be successful you need to have your own personal board of directors.  I’ve had mentors use this metaphor so I don’t know where it originated from, but it’s very pertinent as you strive for success.  A board of directors are typically a handful of people who have expertise in a wide variety of areas and they collectively move the business forward.  This is what you need for your own success.  Select a core group of mentors and people that you trust to be your personal board of directors.  They don’t all have to convene around a table or know each other, but most importantly they have to know you really well.  Make sure that they are interested in seeing you be successful as they role model success.  The people on your board should not only be willing to celebrate your triumphs, but be willing to give you the constructive, and sometimes hard-to-hear feedback that it takes to make you a better person.  Your board, like many businesses can change over time through adding and subtracting depending on your life situations and how effective they are for you.  Most importantly your board needs to consist of reliable people you trust to consult with, not just people who will tell you what you want to hear.

Advertising and Promotion – This is important to any business because it’s how the business, or in this case you, are represented to the public.  You need to think about your public image and what people say about you when you’re not around.  Do not confuse this with being inauthentic and catering or altering your personality to people.  Consider this your brand.  Is what you represent, and are you perceived the way you want to be perceived?  If you’re not representing yourself the way you would like to, explore the reasons why, and what you can do to change your brand to what you want it to be.  This certainly includes your online presence with social media sites such as Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Vine, etc.  A good place to start figuring this out, is by asking your board of directors, which is why it is important that they not only know you, but that they are willing to be completely honest with you, and help you.

Manufacturing – At first glance you might have assumed I was talking about having kids.  Not so fast, that’s not what this is about, that’s up to you.  This is about what you are manufacturing on a regular basis in terms of your deeds.  Are you putting all of your effort into the things you say and do and cultivating your work ethic so that your product can be reliable?  It’s important that what you produce whether it be in your personal life or your work life is of a high quality in nature.  You should be proud of what you do and feel confident that you would want your name associated with what you do whether it’s volunteering somewhere, finishing a report at work or planning a birthday party for a friend, etc.  Give it your all, and have pride in what you’ve accomplished.

Accounting – This is you budgeting for yourself.  In order to be successful it’s important that you are not living at your means but living within it, and saving for the future.  Every good business has a budget plan that includes a rainy day fund, and a slush fund.  As a C.E.O. for yourself it’s important that you’re saving and creating a manageable budget for yourself so that you can be successful in the future, and that unpredicted expenses or that special thing you want to treat yourself with can be taken care of when necessary.

I could break down more business departments and give you more details and examples within those mentioned here.  However I believe you get the idea and hopefully you can begin applying such a model to your own life.  This model of thinking of different parts of your personality and what you do is a holistic model approach that encompasses not only being successful in your professional life but in your personal life as well.  I placed the Board of Directors first because I believe it is extremely important that your support network is in place and ready to support you throughout your endeavors.  You can be successful, you just need to put in the time and effort to develop yourself.  Success does not come overnight for any business and it won’t come overnight for you.  But it is attainable when you put the work in to develop the multitude of facets that make up who you are.