Life Lessons from Soccer

Soccer is a sport that I grew up watching, loving and playing.  With World Cup 2014 happening in Brazil right now, I find myself fondly reminiscing of my own experiences playing the sport, while being fully enthralled in watching games and highlights.  Playing the sport has taught me a lot of life lessons and concepts of team, team management, and leadership.  I felt that it was fitting for this week’s post to share my soccer-influenced insights on those topics during what is easily the largest, most impactful, and most watched sporting event worldwide.  If you’re not a fan of the sport, hopefully you’ll have a different appreciation for it after reading this.

The way that shot taking and scoring a goal occurs in soccer, is very similar to the way an employee team approaches a goal in the workplace or another situation.  While watching a game you’ll notice the amount of passing among the teammates much like different parts of a project get passed between employees contributing to a larger goal.  In a team work situation sometimes there are big surges forward in the process of completing a major project, but sometimes it’s important to pull back, regroup, and approach the goal from a different angle, because the first strategy might not be as successful as another one.  This is similar to how a team in soccer will build up to taking a shot on the field.  You’ll notice that there are a lot of forward passes, but sometimes it’s necessary to stop, pass it backward, reposition the players and then approach the goal in a different way on the other side of the field.

You’ll also notice that in soccer there are no time outs, the clock doesn’t stop and players don’t get a break.  As a player on the field, I was very familiar with conditioning and preparing for the long haul of playing non-stop.  In this role, you have to be ready to take on any challenges from people trying to keep you from achieving your goal of scoring and it’s essential to keep pressing on even if you’re tired.  This is such a straightforward and clear analogy for life.  Life doesn’t stop just because you’re tired or beat down from the challenges you’ve endured.  If you give up it will keep going without you, and you’ll be left out.  Most importantly, while focusing on life goals, you prepare yourself for the challenges you’ll face, and for the experiences you’ll have so that you can persevere under any circumstance for the long haul, just like conditioning for a soccer game.  It’s important to push beyond your comfort zones on a regular basis just like you would in a workout, because when it comes time for the true test, or ‘game time’, as it’s sometimes referred to, you’ll have to have the stamina to keep going and achieve the goal to be successful.

Learning how to fit on a team is another truly great lesson I’ve learned from playing soccer over the years.  I’ve played mostly as a forward or some will call it a striker when I played soccer (it’s the position that’s very offensive minded, shooting, scoring goals, etc.)  While this position is very offensive minded, depending on the situation or the team we were playing against, sometimes I would have to get pulled back into the midfield area to help out my teammates.  There were also situations where if we were playing a really great offensive team and if they were kicking a corner kick (when the team trying to score kicks it in play from the flag in the corner) I would be pulled back to help out on defense a bit.  The scenarios are endless but the point is that sometimes even though I was assigned a specific role I had to be flexible to help out the team in the way that they needed me at the right time, and other players on the team had to do the same thing. 

Quite often it is up to the player in the moment to make the decision of “How can I help the team be better and what do they need from me right now?”  This is not at all dissimilar from being on a team in a work/committee/organization situation.  In order to help the team out it’s necessary to be willing to help those other teammates out to complete a task or project, and support them.  Being inflexible on the field can result in a negative effect such as the other team scoring because someone was left open.  Much like in a teamwork situation being inflexible can lead to the team not completing the project.  The most important thing to understand on the field is that I am helping to pass the ball contributing to the process of shooting, scoring and winning, so I’m just as important to the team as anyone else.  That’s what teamwork is about, it’s about advancing the team, not about gaining all the glory.

The biggest gripe that many people have about soccer is the lack of scoring.  It’s not uncommon to have a final score of 1-0, 0-0 or 2-0 after 90 (plus a couple few) minutes of playing.  The reality is that this works much like achieving goals in our everyday lives.  It’s very easy to put a lot of hard work an effort into something just to achieve one or two results.  Then you focus on your next major achievement (the next game) and put a lot of time and effort into that.  Sometimes you achieve your objective or score one or two goals in a game, and sometimes you end up with zero or needing to try again harder the next time.  In the end it’s all a part of the process of getting better.

As you can see soccer has taught me a lot that I’ve applied to many different work and leadership positions.  The list could go on, but I wanted to highlight just a few of them.  Some of you reading this might feel that theater, playing in a band or another sport has taught you some of your own lessons.  I think that’s great and all the more reason that we should regularly have kids involved in such activities because of the transferable lessons that can be attained from such experiences.  There are a lot more World Cup matches to be watched, and hopefully what I’ve shared here can help you appreciate or think of the game in a different way. 

 

Thank You Dad

With Sunday rapidly approaching, Father’s Day is getting closer and closer.  I vowed to write about my dad and give him his time in the spotlight after writing a post about my mom on the Tuesday leading up to Mother’s Day, so here we are.  I want to focus on him and talk a little bit about why he’s so special to me and hopefully some of what you read will remind you of your own dad or someone who played a father figure in your life.

Father’s Day is a special day for me because it always causes me to reflect on my dad and the impact he has had in my life, but it also causes me to think about the type of father I want to be when that time happens.  I don’t have any kids right now and I have to say that I really look forward to the day when I become a dad.  I’m not rushing into anything, but I eagerly anticipate that time with a certain fondness because of my own positive childhood experiences, and I aim to live up to my dad’s model of fatherhood to my child(ren).

Some of my earliest memories of my dad are quality time experiences of him teaching me to ride a bike, watching Saturday morning cartoons, and sledding together.  I also learned how to play soccer from him, and he was an assistant coach on a couple of my youth league teams.  Whether he was a coach on the team or not, on the way home we would talk about the games I played in and throughout the week I would pull him out into the backyard to practice kicking the ball around and to build my skills.  We would watch professional soccer games together on TV and also get excited about the World Cup (I’m sure we will have some lively conversations about World Cup Brazil 2014 which kicks off soon).  I remember when I showed an interest in basketball too.  My dad went out, bought a rim, and made a backboard with a painted Spartan ‘S’ on it for my favorite team, Michigan State.  He put the whole thing on our garage above the door making sure it measured the regulation 10 feet, and we would spend many evenings in the driveway shooting around and hanging out.

My dad is a bit of the strong silent type until you get him warmed up and chatting.  Then watch out, because it will be open season for jokes, and some friendly funny sarcastic jabs.  If he starts to talk about a topic on national or world affairs, I learned very quickly at an early age that I would be in for one heck of an educational lesson.  You see my dad has a PhD in Political Science so one question about something on the national news can easily turn into a 2 hour conversation about the history of why that event happened, at least 5 or 6 potential outcomes of what the result can be, and who knows what other useful information will get thrown in there.  Even watching a movie (fictional or not) based on a historical event can turn into an eye opening educational moment with my dad.  I always listened in amazement at how much he knew, never getting bored, and I remember thinking as a child that I needed to get my dad on Jeopardy one day.  But those are some of the best conversations that I’ve had with my dad, and what has fueled my own curiosity to collect a wealth of knowledge and seek out answers.  Sometimes he wouldn’t give me the easy answer when I had a question and would say go look it up instead.  I wasn’t the happiest when I heard that because during a very significant part of my childhood there was no such thing as Google, or even the internet.  So paper cuts from reading and flipping through the encyclopedia and reporting back what I found was how I got to some answers from questions I had and then we would talk about what I found. 

Some of the other best conversations I had were sitting with my dad getting my hair cut.  He cut my hair throughout my entire life until I moved to Austin about 3 years ago.  Besides playing soccer and basketball with him, my haircuts have been some of the best father son times we have had so far.  We would engage in all sorts of great conversations about current events, things happening in school, dating, and almost any other life circumstance you can imagine.  Those were truly some special times that we spent together bonding as I learned life lessons, how to be a mature adult, and laughing together.

I’ve probably written it in numerous Father’s Day cards to him, but if I could achieve even half the things as a father that my dad has done for me, I would consider myself a great dad.  I’m not even referring to the financial support side of things because my best memories were never rooted in a dollar amount that he spent on me, but quality time spent together as I grew up.  That’s one of the things that makes my dad so special to me, is the quality time we have spent together.

Whether it was going to my first Yankee game with him, watching Saturday morning cartoons together, learning about worldly events, playing sports together, laughing together or anything else, my dad has always been there for me.  I understand what a privilege that is, and I am absolutely grateful for having that relationship with him, so I do not take it for granted at all.  My goal is that when I become a father that I can be a great dad for my child(ren) the way he has been for me.  He’s my role model as a man and a father, a best friend, a fill in older brother (since I’m an only child), and one heck of a great listener.  Love you Dad.

This pic is from my family's 1st visit to old Yankee Stadium the year they closed it.

Definitely in my top 10 of father-son moments with my dad.

Be Refined, Not Defined

After being faced with disappointment, or a negative outcome have you ever just sat there thinking to yourself why me?  It may feel like a lonely spot at the time, but we have all been in that position before, so you’re definitively not alone.  This pivotal moment is where people are either made or broken.  The proverbial fork in the road where we decide to keep on trying or to let this moment be our demise.  People sometimes refer to it as a defining moment in their life.  I challenge that way of thinking and assert that one experience should not define an entire dynamic life because a person should not forever be defined by one experience.  Sure it might be a remarkable turning point, but instead it should be a refining moment.  The moment that helps create a better, stronger more successful person.

If you’ve ever watched a sculptor sculpt anything with a clay medium, you’re aware of what it takes to make a beautiful work of art.  It starts out as a rough art medium with no specific structure, looking like absolutely nothing at all.  Sometimes throughout the process the sculptor will add smaller globs of clay to the sculpture and mold and shape it incorporating it into the entire object.  Then over time, with sweat, effort, and refining movements using their hands and tools, it begins to take shape until the sculpture eventually emerges as a beautiful work of art.

This is how we need to attack those moments of misery, failed attempts, broken dreams and despair.  It starts out as something that is completely ugly and undesirable, much like a boring glob of clay.  It’s difficult to see what the end result will be and what can come from something so unattractive.

Just like sculpting a work of art we must take time, concentration and care to refine ourselves through these moments.  Each obstacle and challenge we face is like adding on another ball of clay to the sculpture that we must incorporate into our beautiful and successful self.  These adversities are added to our lives in the midst of our pursuit of our goals and dreams.  We must take them in stride and like the artist scrape away the unwanted bits that are not helpful to keep and let them go.  Then we mold and shape the lessons and experiences left from these moments using them to refine us into a better person. 

Therefore we can’t let our situations and these moments define who we are.  Sure these situations will influence our lives, but we cannot let them control our lives, we need to be in control of our lives. That is the difference between being defined and refined.  If we choose to be defined by our circumstances we are never controlling our destiny.  Instead we become bystanders in our own lives instead of active participants.  Who wants to be the audience of their own life?  We should be the director, producer and also play the lead role.  It’s our life!

We should constantly be looking for what we can learn from these experiences and how those lessons can make us into a better person.  Tomorrow is coming and we can’t dwell on the negative for too long.  It’s alright to feel the frustration and the pain for a little bit, that’s a natural part of the process.  An artist takes time to look at what they will sculpt from to decide on a plan of action to start working.  In a similar way, we too can take some time to create our own plan of action to sculpt our situation into a way to make us a more successful person.

With each refining moment, we are constantly improving, much like the sculptor improves their sculpture with each carving gesture to become increasingly accurate to their vision.  With each challenge we are faced with we are gaining preparation for something greater in our future and getting that much closer to becoming who we want to be.

This won’t be the first time we will meet a challenge, and it certainly won’t be the last.  But what we do with it will determine whether we are refined or defined.

Learning from Lacey's Legacy

The morning of April 9, 2014 many people awoke to the news that Lacey Holsworth, an 8 year old little girl in Michigan had died of cancer around 1:00am that morning.  People who have never met Lacey were saddened by her passing and felt that they themselves had lost a loved one.  While it is always sad when someone dies, especially a child, many felt connected to her touching story because it unfolded very publicly after an encounter in 2012 at Sparrow Hospital with Michigan State basketball star Adreian Payne.  The two formed an immediate bond which strengthened and grew over time.  As many learned of her battle with cancer, there was an outpouring of love and support showed to her and her family from total strangers.  You didn’t have to be a Spartan fan, to be a fan of Lacey cheering her on through her battle with Neuroblastoma.  Princess Lacey (a nickname she affectionately took on) was such a young spirit, but there are so many great lessons that we can learn from her. 

All too often, we get caught up in the hype and bravado that we have to be a well-known, wealthy or highly influential person to make a difference or be important.  Lacey taught us that significance comes in all sizes and ages.  As an 8 year old little girl she lived her life with courage, and had a tremendous positive influence on others.  A pebble can be dropped in a pond and even though it’s not the biggest rock there will be a ripple effect created.  This can positively influence the lives of others, so it’s not always necessary to be the biggest, loudest voice in the room, just the most genuine. 

When Lacey was sitting in Sparrow Hospital in 2012 recovering from surgery, she had no specific laid out plans to cut down a net at the Big Ten Championship game, watch Adreian Payne in the dunk contest in Dallas, TX, or go on the Today Show and Good Morning America.  Would it be cool?  Of course.  But Lacey was living her life, determined to smile through her discomfort and the life altering difficulties that cancer presented.  That determination lead to her building a bond with Adreian Payne, which lead to inspiring a whole basketball team, and eventually others across the nation.  Lacey was creating her own ripple effect by being herself.

Lacey’s determination and courage to keep smiling and make the most out of her days is something else that we all can learn from.  It’s easy to get caught up in the complaints of our daily lives because something isn’t going right, or it’s not going the way we planned it.  This isn’t to mitigate the serious nature of what’s happening, but it’s too easy for that negativity to consume us and dictate how we interact with those we love and others.  I’ve been guilty of it on certain occasions myself, so you won’t find any finger pointing here.  But what if we shifted our perspective a bit and took the time to be thankful for what we have in our lives?  What if we approached each day being thankful for being able to see the sun rise, thankful for having people in our lives who love us, and looking for the silver lining of different moments? 

Lacey was grateful for each day she had, because she never knew what day would be her last.  She always had a smile on her face whenever the camera would show her in the stands at a game, or when strangers would ask for pictures with her, even though she had so much going on in her life.  If we approached life with a little more gratefulness would our interactions with others change, would we enjoy the little moments a bit more, and not take so much for granted?

The legacy that Lacey has left behind will be impossible to measure.  She touched the lives of so many people and will continue to remain in the hearts of many.  A vigil at MSU in her memory brought out droves of people in and outside of the community many of whom signed a famous landmark rock on Michigan State University’s campus.  The rock usually gets repainted with something new every 24 hours, from student group names, to events, to proposals, etc., but that same message in her memory (pictured below) has been there since April 9^th with more and more people making the journey to sign it with prayers, words of encouragement for the family, and messages of love.  Her story has inspired ESPN sports analyst Dick Vitale a long-time advocate for cancer research to set up a research fund in her name (click here). 

Lacey was just a child, but the way she lived embodied the words of a former famous basketball coach Jim Valvano who died of cancer as well, “Cancer can take away all my physical abilities. It cannot touch my mind, it cannot touch my heart and it cannot touch my soul. And those three things are going to carry on forever.”

While you or I may not have cancer, if we live like Lacey with courage genuineness and determination, and love like Lacey (like it says at the bottom of the rock), while staying true to ourselves, we can leave our lasting impression on the world, and fully enjoy each and every day.

Birthday Reflections

With my birthday coming up this week, it arrives in a familiar coincidental timing with New Year’s Day.  I say that because typically I use both occasions to reflect on the past while focusing on my future.  As I look back with this birthday, I have a sense of pride on the things I’ve accomplished and heed the lessons that experience has taught me as a constant pupil in the classroom of life.  This week I decided to share with you a few lessons learned translate from my childhood.

“When sledding look for the steepest slope.” – As a youth in Michigan, sledding was a staple of the childhood experience.  The most perfect hill was in Spartan Village where my family lived, and the best part was there were different slopes within that one hill.  I always went for the steepest one because it meant I could go faster, even though it was a little scary.  I learned from this thrill seeking joyride to take big risks.  It might be a little scary at first, but with great risk comes great reward, and it could be one of the most thrilling, enjoyable experiences. 

“I want the Mickey Mouse Santa.” – My first trip to Disney World was during Christmas of 1985.  My parents and I entered very early as the gates opened, and left when the park closed to not miss out on a minute there.  Before exiting, my parents asked me if I wanted to get anything to remember the visit.  Yes. I wanted a Mickey Mouse dressed as Santa that I had seen in a gift shop in the morning.  Unfortunately my 5 year old brain was so overwhelmed with Disney happiness that I didn’t know which store I saw it in.  During a frantic search as the park closed, the Mickey I wanted was eventually found.  I took to heart that sometimes the happiness of another person takes patience and giving of yourself.  My parents could have easily given up after the first 5 places, but they kept at it to make me happy.  When you love someone whether it’s familial, romantic or friendly, patience is required, as well as sometimes going out of your way to make them happy even if it isn’t the most convenient of circumstances.

“You can take one toy to church.” – My parents took me to church pretty regularly as a kid and I wasn’t the most stationary of children.  My mom (a child rearing wizard to handle me) figured out that if I had a toy to quietly sit with in my lap, I could easily make it through with no disturbance.  Toys in church? Awesome!  Let’s take them all!  Well, my mom regulated it to one to avoid making the pew look like a Toys ‘R Us exploded.  It was a simple task but every Sunday I focused on making a choice and sticking with my decision.  There was no turning back for a different toy.  I learned to make choices decisively and wisely because I would have to live with them.  I might figure out that I didn’t like the last decision, but I could learn to make a better decision for the next time the opportunity presented itself.  If for some reason it doesn’t, then I could make the best of a bad situation.

“The toothpaste tube isn’t empty, there’s still a little bit left.” – My favorite Looney Tunes Toothpaste was finished.  I didn’t want it to be done because I’d have to borrow my parents’ gross adult one with not the same flavor.  So I kept quiet and when I had to brush my teeth again I squeezed until my little fingers couldn’t squeeze anymore and I made that toothpaste last.  Just when I thought it was over and done, I keep trying, and keep pushing.  It wasn’t over like I thought it was.  I could still be successful and reap the rewards by not giving up.

“That’s so much Ice Cream!” – It was my birthday, and my parents took me to a place in Jackson, MI called the Ice Cream Parlor for my favorite dessert.  This place had an item on their menu called the “Dare to be Great”.  All I knew was that it had more scoops of ice cream than I had fingers and toes.  The server walked out of the kitchen with this item, and as our server got closer my jaw hit the table when it was placed in front of me and my parents sang Happy Birthday.  We attacked that ice cream with a vengeance and I’ll never forget it.  I shared that moment with my parents and we still laugh about how crazy that dessert was.  When it comes to special moments or things that are special to you share it with the ones you care about.  Make a good memory of it even if it seems like a small gesture.  If you share it with those you care about, it will mean that much more.

“Dad we need more acorns.” – The campus of Michigan State University has an abundance of squirrels and Oak trees.  As a child I didn’t fully understand that animals forage, and believed that I needed to help them get food just like my parents gave me food.  My Dad would help me collect acorns to put out by our apartment for the squirrels to have.  A daunting task with him knowing full well the squirrels would be fine, but this was quality time together.  It didn’t cost anything, and great memories were made.  I learned that bonding moments aren’t usually scripted they just spontaneously happen.  It goes back to sharing memories and sharing interests with those that you care about.  Sometimes the most meaningful moments don’t have to be the most expensive, lavish experiences.  Sure sometimes they are, but sometimes it’s just a simple activity that you do together regularly that makes it meaningful.

I look forward to what my 34th year has in store for me.  I’m sure there will be many more lessons and many more memories to be made.  Most importantly though, I’m thankful for the years of life I have had, the people in my life and I anticipate a bright future.

It's Not Just a Costume

It’s that time of year when kids get dressed up as their favorite characters from movies, television, and books.  They descend on America’s neighborhoods with parents and guardians in tow in the hunt for the perfect stash of candy.  I fondly remember dressing up and doing the same thing with my parents.  As this cherished tradition comes around every year we see some very creative costumes emerge.  Unfortunately, somewhere along the way the innocence and fun that Halloween brought us as kids, now contains a sobering reminder of a social ill that plagues our society.

I won’t sit behind a keyboard vilifying those who have decided to don blackface as a part of their Halloween costume because there are countless other blogs you can go to if that’s what you want to read.  While I believe that it is offensive for people to dress in blackface I also believe that there is a larger picture that needs to be viewed.  Also I believe that there is a more fruitful approach that can be taken before we simply attack those that are ignorant of the ramifications of their costumes.

I’ve done a lot of trainings, and led many discussions about diversity and cultural sensitivity.  Through these experiences I’ve come to find that many people (of all ethnicities) believe we live in a post racial world.  We don’t see the things in our day-to-day lives that we see when we look at newsreels of the 60’s and 70’s so there are many people that believe that we are somehow safe from racism now.  It’s far from the truth, but it’s from these beliefs that people choose blackface as part of a Halloween costume because “it doesn’t matter anymore”, or “I’ve got (insert any ethnicity here) friends so what I do can’t be seen as racist”.

These thoughts are proof that we ALL, not just white people, not just blacks, etc. have failed to educate our society and that we have a lot of work to do.  We tell people it’s wrong, and jump on a bandwagon about how they should be sorry for their costume by saying it’s racist and offensive, but often I don’t believe we go deep enough into why.  Despite the inevitable that some people will do it for mal intent, we all as a society need to continue the conversations beyond it being wrong and educate people on why it’s wrong.  Engage people who aren’t aware of why it’s so wrong in a meaningful dialogue about what blackface is, what it was historically and why it is still offensive today. 

Quite often people are scared to engage in meaningful dialogues so it’s a challenge, but it makes it that much more crucial to have them around these topics.  People are afraid to reveal what they don’t know and sometimes we aren’t even aware what we don’t know; this is true for all people of all ethnicities.  That is why when issues such as blackface costumes come up we must use them to come together and use it as an opportunity to learn from each other and talk about why it is offensive. 

Embracing a solution-oriented position I can only hope that the knowledge shared will spread.  In doing so I’m not encouraging people that are offended to negate the gravity of the situation, nor downplay emotions about it.  Instead I’m encouraging them to channel it all to do something positive to help prevent it from happening in the future and raise awareness.   If you aren’t aware of why it’s so offensive, hopefully the links below can shed some light on the topic and help you have your own informed conversations about blackface.   

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/amex/foster/sfeature/sf_minstrelsy.html

http://blackhistory.com/content/61585/blackface