A New Day, A New Start

From the day we are born, we engage with others and begin to make decisions based on our experiences, our preferences for certain things, and our interactions with other people.  Our personality develops and our lives evolve into a collection of experiences resulting in what is commonly known as a life path.  We acknowledge our personal history, learn from it, live in the present and make plans for the future along this path.  As we traverse this path sometimes we may not like a direction it’s headed in, we decide to challenge ourselves, or feel that it’s time to improve upon ourselves in some way.  It is then that we engage in one of the most challenging things to do in life, creating a new start for ourselves.

The developments of modern technology have not matched the science fiction story telling of books and movies, therefore traveling back in time to accomplish a completely new start is impossible to do.  Yet there’s a natural mechanism we encounter every day that allows for us to create a new start.  It’s called a sunrise.  With the dawn of each day we have an opportunity to chart a new life path for ourselves and the possibility of starting something new when we wake up.

There are of course some life circumstances and the reality that we cannot make a drastic change from one end of the spectrum to the other overnight.  The manageable approach however is to make a conscious decision when the sun rises to do something different than our regular norm to create a better life for ourselves.  It’s easy to look for a conditional “if-then” excuse to try something new, or do something different in life, so let the sunrise and the start of a new day be that excuse.  We need to empower ourselves, dig deep into our intrinsic motivation and decide that today is the day that things begin to change for me. 

If eating healthier is a decidedly new start, then when waking up one day the first thought should be today I’m going to go grocery shopping for a healthier meal option, or I will start doing some research on how to create a healthier diet for myself.  Whether it’s quitting smoking, launching a business, learning an instrument, or even creating better more beneficial personal habits, the chance for a new start begins with a solitary decision to make a difference, and taking the first step.  That first step doesn’t have to be drastic, it just has to be a step in the direction of the new path you want to embark on.  From there, more steps can be taken and the momentum can be built upon as you move forward to that new start. 

The caveat here is not to get lost in the seductive misleading idea that change happens immediately and results will be automatic and significant in a short period of time.  That’s all too romantic of an idea and when results don’t happen as quickly as expected, it’s easy for frustration and quitting to lead into a dead end where progress is stifled.  It’s important to remember that good habits usually take about 21 days by conventional knowledge to take hold.  Time, dedication, and perseverance are the best assets to creating a new path.   But we need to remember that just like a huge oak tree comes from a tiny acorn, big changes come from just the first step, no matter how small it might be.

Thank You Dad

With Sunday rapidly approaching, Father’s Day is getting closer and closer.  I vowed to write about my dad and give him his time in the spotlight after writing a post about my mom on the Tuesday leading up to Mother’s Day, so here we are.  I want to focus on him and talk a little bit about why he’s so special to me and hopefully some of what you read will remind you of your own dad or someone who played a father figure in your life.

Father’s Day is a special day for me because it always causes me to reflect on my dad and the impact he has had in my life, but it also causes me to think about the type of father I want to be when that time happens.  I don’t have any kids right now and I have to say that I really look forward to the day when I become a dad.  I’m not rushing into anything, but I eagerly anticipate that time with a certain fondness because of my own positive childhood experiences, and I aim to live up to my dad’s model of fatherhood to my child(ren).

Some of my earliest memories of my dad are quality time experiences of him teaching me to ride a bike, watching Saturday morning cartoons, and sledding together.  I also learned how to play soccer from him, and he was an assistant coach on a couple of my youth league teams.  Whether he was a coach on the team or not, on the way home we would talk about the games I played in and throughout the week I would pull him out into the backyard to practice kicking the ball around and to build my skills.  We would watch professional soccer games together on TV and also get excited about the World Cup (I’m sure we will have some lively conversations about World Cup Brazil 2014 which kicks off soon).  I remember when I showed an interest in basketball too.  My dad went out, bought a rim, and made a backboard with a painted Spartan ‘S’ on it for my favorite team, Michigan State.  He put the whole thing on our garage above the door making sure it measured the regulation 10 feet, and we would spend many evenings in the driveway shooting around and hanging out.

My dad is a bit of the strong silent type until you get him warmed up and chatting.  Then watch out, because it will be open season for jokes, and some friendly funny sarcastic jabs.  If he starts to talk about a topic on national or world affairs, I learned very quickly at an early age that I would be in for one heck of an educational lesson.  You see my dad has a PhD in Political Science so one question about something on the national news can easily turn into a 2 hour conversation about the history of why that event happened, at least 5 or 6 potential outcomes of what the result can be, and who knows what other useful information will get thrown in there.  Even watching a movie (fictional or not) based on a historical event can turn into an eye opening educational moment with my dad.  I always listened in amazement at how much he knew, never getting bored, and I remember thinking as a child that I needed to get my dad on Jeopardy one day.  But those are some of the best conversations that I’ve had with my dad, and what has fueled my own curiosity to collect a wealth of knowledge and seek out answers.  Sometimes he wouldn’t give me the easy answer when I had a question and would say go look it up instead.  I wasn’t the happiest when I heard that because during a very significant part of my childhood there was no such thing as Google, or even the internet.  So paper cuts from reading and flipping through the encyclopedia and reporting back what I found was how I got to some answers from questions I had and then we would talk about what I found. 

Some of the other best conversations I had were sitting with my dad getting my hair cut.  He cut my hair throughout my entire life until I moved to Austin about 3 years ago.  Besides playing soccer and basketball with him, my haircuts have been some of the best father son times we have had so far.  We would engage in all sorts of great conversations about current events, things happening in school, dating, and almost any other life circumstance you can imagine.  Those were truly some special times that we spent together bonding as I learned life lessons, how to be a mature adult, and laughing together.

I’ve probably written it in numerous Father’s Day cards to him, but if I could achieve even half the things as a father that my dad has done for me, I would consider myself a great dad.  I’m not even referring to the financial support side of things because my best memories were never rooted in a dollar amount that he spent on me, but quality time spent together as I grew up.  That’s one of the things that makes my dad so special to me, is the quality time we have spent together.

Whether it was going to my first Yankee game with him, watching Saturday morning cartoons together, learning about worldly events, playing sports together, laughing together or anything else, my dad has always been there for me.  I understand what a privilege that is, and I am absolutely grateful for having that relationship with him, so I do not take it for granted at all.  My goal is that when I become a father that I can be a great dad for my child(ren) the way he has been for me.  He’s my role model as a man and a father, a best friend, a fill in older brother (since I’m an only child), and one heck of a great listener.  Love you Dad.

This pic is from my family's 1st visit to old Yankee Stadium the year they closed it.

Definitely in my top 10 of father-son moments with my dad.

Learning from Lacey's Legacy

The morning of April 9, 2014 many people awoke to the news that Lacey Holsworth, an 8 year old little girl in Michigan had died of cancer around 1:00am that morning.  People who have never met Lacey were saddened by her passing and felt that they themselves had lost a loved one.  While it is always sad when someone dies, especially a child, many felt connected to her touching story because it unfolded very publicly after an encounter in 2012 at Sparrow Hospital with Michigan State basketball star Adreian Payne.  The two formed an immediate bond which strengthened and grew over time.  As many learned of her battle with cancer, there was an outpouring of love and support showed to her and her family from total strangers.  You didn’t have to be a Spartan fan, to be a fan of Lacey cheering her on through her battle with Neuroblastoma.  Princess Lacey (a nickname she affectionately took on) was such a young spirit, but there are so many great lessons that we can learn from her. 

All too often, we get caught up in the hype and bravado that we have to be a well-known, wealthy or highly influential person to make a difference or be important.  Lacey taught us that significance comes in all sizes and ages.  As an 8 year old little girl she lived her life with courage, and had a tremendous positive influence on others.  A pebble can be dropped in a pond and even though it’s not the biggest rock there will be a ripple effect created.  This can positively influence the lives of others, so it’s not always necessary to be the biggest, loudest voice in the room, just the most genuine. 

When Lacey was sitting in Sparrow Hospital in 2012 recovering from surgery, she had no specific laid out plans to cut down a net at the Big Ten Championship game, watch Adreian Payne in the dunk contest in Dallas, TX, or go on the Today Show and Good Morning America.  Would it be cool?  Of course.  But Lacey was living her life, determined to smile through her discomfort and the life altering difficulties that cancer presented.  That determination lead to her building a bond with Adreian Payne, which lead to inspiring a whole basketball team, and eventually others across the nation.  Lacey was creating her own ripple effect by being herself.

Lacey’s determination and courage to keep smiling and make the most out of her days is something else that we all can learn from.  It’s easy to get caught up in the complaints of our daily lives because something isn’t going right, or it’s not going the way we planned it.  This isn’t to mitigate the serious nature of what’s happening, but it’s too easy for that negativity to consume us and dictate how we interact with those we love and others.  I’ve been guilty of it on certain occasions myself, so you won’t find any finger pointing here.  But what if we shifted our perspective a bit and took the time to be thankful for what we have in our lives?  What if we approached each day being thankful for being able to see the sun rise, thankful for having people in our lives who love us, and looking for the silver lining of different moments? 

Lacey was grateful for each day she had, because she never knew what day would be her last.  She always had a smile on her face whenever the camera would show her in the stands at a game, or when strangers would ask for pictures with her, even though she had so much going on in her life.  If we approached life with a little more gratefulness would our interactions with others change, would we enjoy the little moments a bit more, and not take so much for granted?

The legacy that Lacey has left behind will be impossible to measure.  She touched the lives of so many people and will continue to remain in the hearts of many.  A vigil at MSU in her memory brought out droves of people in and outside of the community many of whom signed a famous landmark rock on Michigan State University’s campus.  The rock usually gets repainted with something new every 24 hours, from student group names, to events, to proposals, etc., but that same message in her memory (pictured below) has been there since April 9^th with more and more people making the journey to sign it with prayers, words of encouragement for the family, and messages of love.  Her story has inspired ESPN sports analyst Dick Vitale a long-time advocate for cancer research to set up a research fund in her name (click here). 

Lacey was just a child, but the way she lived embodied the words of a former famous basketball coach Jim Valvano who died of cancer as well, “Cancer can take away all my physical abilities. It cannot touch my mind, it cannot touch my heart and it cannot touch my soul. And those three things are going to carry on forever.”

While you or I may not have cancer, if we live like Lacey with courage genuineness and determination, and love like Lacey (like it says at the bottom of the rock), while staying true to ourselves, we can leave our lasting impression on the world, and fully enjoy each and every day.

Expand Your Comfort Zone

Life is full of routines.  We all have certain ones that we adhere to very strictly and some where we are just going through the mundane motions to complete them.  I agree that it’s beneficial to have routines to give structure to our lives, but in too much excess it can also unfortunately hinder us from enjoying life in its full eclectic and spontaneous vibrancy.  There’s a luxurious proverbial place in our lives that these routines help us to create.  This place of security, ease and contentment is known as the ‘comfort zone’.  As you probably know, your comfort zone is a place where we are familiar with our environment, where we don’t have to extend ourselves beyond our typical routines, or cognitively challenge ourselves to think outside of our own personal reality.

The obvious reason the comfort zone is called such is because it’s comfortable.  It’s created from our experiences, our likes, our dislikes, and serves as a place in our lives where we have settled down into contentment.  It’s a safe and non-threatening space and there are many people who see no reason to leave it.  As we get older, we are more reluctant to leave our comfort zones as verbalized in the cliché, “being set in our ways”.

I could solidly bet that any time you’ve done something you’ve never done before, you’ve either learned something about yourself or learned something about the world around you.  This is why throughout my years of experience of supervising people, I’ve made it my responsibility to challenge my employees to leave their comfort zone and try new things.  Through their endeavors to achieve this, I give them my support to go with them and/or process their experiences.  I do this because my philosophy on supervisory leadership is that I believe in professional development for employees and personal development as well.  Therefore those that I supervise should not only be a better professional having worked for me, but they should become better people as well.  But I digress.

Although we may proudly tout our experiences as very worldly, or grandiose, all have limits and those limits can always be pushed farther and wider.  Expanding outside of your comfort zone can be awkward, difficult and feel uneasy.  The best way to go outside of your comfort zone if you’re too nervous is to ask someone to join you.  So if it’s trying sushi for the first time, going to an opera, or even attending an event in a community different from your own, invite someone to go along.  Having someone with you helps the nerves subside a bit, and gives you someone to process your experience with.  It can be very impactful when that person is going outside of their comfort zone as well because it can be an experience that you share.  There are some experiences that you’ll try that might need some cultural context to truly understand the purpose behind a food, the reasoning for a cultural practice or to translate a language for you.  In those cases it’s more beneficial to go with an experienced person that can guide you through it and explain it so that you get the full context of the experience. 

The most important aspect of going outside your comfort zone is that regardless of whether you enjoyed it or not, you’re guaranteed to learn something new about yourself and the world around you.  Your level of empathy to understand others will increase and your cultural awareness whether it’s socio-economic, religious, ethnic, etc. will increase as well.  It might be a bit of a utopian thought, but I believe the world would be a better place if we would go outside of our comfort zones more often to increase our level of understanding and regularly enhancing our experiences.  I share today’s blog with you because it’s one of my resolutions for 2014 and beyond to commit to do this more frequently than I have in the past, and I welcome you to do so as well.  Feel free to comment below when you’ve done something, or contact me to share.  I would enjoy hearing what your experience was like.

What's your legacy?

As you know the passing of Nelson Mandela has been all over the news lately.  We have all heard and read in the recent few days about the impact and the leadership that he has shown the world throughout his life.  The frequent discussion about the legacy he has left through death, brought me to think about a challenge I pose to those I have supervised when they start working on my team.  Knowing that they will eventually move on to other jobs and endeavors, I would always ask them, “What do you want your legacy to be when you leave this position?”  Typically this exercise comes in the form of planning and professional development conversations with team members I supervise, but it can easily be placed into the context of every-day life.

It can be extremely overwhelming to look at a man like Nelson Mandela and try to live up to his legacy. Don’t get caught up in being like someone else, or trying to meet their standard.  It’s great to have a role model, but I encourage you to be your own person and utilize your strengths.  This does not mean you shouldn’t try to be great or challenge yourself to think outside of the box.  I’m simply saying do not try to one-up, or match someone else’s legacy, be yourself.

So where do you start?  Start with thinking about what realm of your life you want to start focusing on and you can move on from there.  We are all involved in different things in our lives ranging from church groups, to our jobs, to associations we belong to, or places where we volunteer our time, etc.  You can aim to leave a legacy in all of those aspects of your life and it doesn’t have to be through death.  You can leave a legacy behind through moving to a new place, or moving on to new opportunities.  It can however be difficult to think of all of them at once, so break it down by taking one at a time, and then start with your purpose.  Think about the purpose of why you are involved in that specific group or why you want to start a new endeavor (maybe it’s your own business or a non-profit).

From there, you can begin to think about the goals you’d like to accomplish, as well as your sphere of influence in order to accomplish those goals.  Begin to consider what goals you would like to be known for accomplishing, or maybe there is an initiative that you would like to start within that sphere of influence, or a major project that you want to be involved in.  As you begin to put your time, energy and focus into accomplishing what you’ve set out to do, you will begin to intentionally formulate a legacy. 

I have a close friend that used to say something to students that I have said to others, and carry with me as I encourage people to be the best that they can be.  In regards to making decisions she used to say, “Make sure that you can say yes to two questions.  Is this decision helping me to be who I am? Is this helping me to be who I want to become?”  When we make decisions each day, whether they are big or small, sometimes we will end up with legacies that happen unintentionally because we were simply being true to ourselves.  I do not want to create the misperception that all legacies can be created and controlled.  But if you start being more mindful of the things that you do and say, making sure that they are reflecting who you are, and who you want to become, the chances are that your legacy will eventually be exactly what you want it to be.

So what’s your legacy going to be?

When Life Happens...

In life we spend a lot of our time planning for the future.  We set goals, we make plans and we look forward to the outcomes.  What I’ve learned however is that life happens and sometimes things do not always go according to the plan.  I had a friend in college who used to joke when things went awry by saying, “This is not the life I ordered!”  When our plans get slightly and sometimes significantly derailed by life happening, that is where our true character and strength must prevail.  We must either get back on course, or chart a new one that we decide upon given the circumstances that we’ve encountered.

This past Friday night I was subject to my own personal test.  It’s what led me to thinking about this, and writing this week’s blog.  To set the stage, I am currently in the midst of a very fervent and active job search that has lasted longer than I have expected.  It’s a search that I never would have predicted that I would be involved in based on my plans and career goals.  On Friday night while enjoying a baseball game at a sports bar my vehicle was burglarized and I was the victim of theft.  A window on my vehicle was completely shattered and my laptop (what I thought was hidden well) was stolen.  In the moment when I realized what happened I was overwhelmed with frustration.  My plans for not only the weekend, but for job searching, writing this blog, and other planned financial commitments were all instantaneously and significantly altered.  I couldn’t sleep the night it happened consumed with thoughts about the setback, but the next morning I was resolute that this would not get the best of me.

That’s the message I want to share with you in today’s blog.  Don’t let your unpredictable circumstance get the best of you.  There is always a silver lining and finding that can help be the first step you take to get you back on your feet and ready to be your successful self.  When I woke up on Saturday, I was still alive and unharmed, my vehicle was intact and the easiest of parts to replace was all that was damaged.  I’m able to write this week’s blog despite the fact that my laptop is in the hands of a stranger.  I don’t know how or when I will replace my laptop but that will come in due time, I just have to take it one day at a time. 

The same is true for my job search.  I’m not happy that I’ve been forced into searching for a new position, but there is a silver lining.  I’ve fostered some very meaningful relationships during this time.  I have also learned a lot about myself and that a job does not define who I am, it is merely a part of who I am.  Not only that, but I’ve become a more disciplined and determined person during this time.  This is all a part of my silver lining while I remain committed and determined to find a new position.

There are times where you have faced your own unpredicted circumstances and there are some that are yet to come.  It is not all roses and sunshine in a neat little package, so it’s natural to have frustration, and other emotions set in when things don’t go according to plan.  There’s nothing wrong with that.  My message here is to not let that completely derail you.  Get back up, dust yourself off, find your silver lining and begin to take the steps necessary to be successful again.  You’ve overcome other things in your life, so you can overcome whatever comes your way, you just have to believe in yourself.