Thank You Dad

With Sunday rapidly approaching, Father’s Day is getting closer and closer.  I vowed to write about my dad and give him his time in the spotlight after writing a post about my mom on the Tuesday leading up to Mother’s Day, so here we are.  I want to focus on him and talk a little bit about why he’s so special to me and hopefully some of what you read will remind you of your own dad or someone who played a father figure in your life.

Father’s Day is a special day for me because it always causes me to reflect on my dad and the impact he has had in my life, but it also causes me to think about the type of father I want to be when that time happens.  I don’t have any kids right now and I have to say that I really look forward to the day when I become a dad.  I’m not rushing into anything, but I eagerly anticipate that time with a certain fondness because of my own positive childhood experiences, and I aim to live up to my dad’s model of fatherhood to my child(ren).

Some of my earliest memories of my dad are quality time experiences of him teaching me to ride a bike, watching Saturday morning cartoons, and sledding together.  I also learned how to play soccer from him, and he was an assistant coach on a couple of my youth league teams.  Whether he was a coach on the team or not, on the way home we would talk about the games I played in and throughout the week I would pull him out into the backyard to practice kicking the ball around and to build my skills.  We would watch professional soccer games together on TV and also get excited about the World Cup (I’m sure we will have some lively conversations about World Cup Brazil 2014 which kicks off soon).  I remember when I showed an interest in basketball too.  My dad went out, bought a rim, and made a backboard with a painted Spartan ‘S’ on it for my favorite team, Michigan State.  He put the whole thing on our garage above the door making sure it measured the regulation 10 feet, and we would spend many evenings in the driveway shooting around and hanging out.

My dad is a bit of the strong silent type until you get him warmed up and chatting.  Then watch out, because it will be open season for jokes, and some friendly funny sarcastic jabs.  If he starts to talk about a topic on national or world affairs, I learned very quickly at an early age that I would be in for one heck of an educational lesson.  You see my dad has a PhD in Political Science so one question about something on the national news can easily turn into a 2 hour conversation about the history of why that event happened, at least 5 or 6 potential outcomes of what the result can be, and who knows what other useful information will get thrown in there.  Even watching a movie (fictional or not) based on a historical event can turn into an eye opening educational moment with my dad.  I always listened in amazement at how much he knew, never getting bored, and I remember thinking as a child that I needed to get my dad on Jeopardy one day.  But those are some of the best conversations that I’ve had with my dad, and what has fueled my own curiosity to collect a wealth of knowledge and seek out answers.  Sometimes he wouldn’t give me the easy answer when I had a question and would say go look it up instead.  I wasn’t the happiest when I heard that because during a very significant part of my childhood there was no such thing as Google, or even the internet.  So paper cuts from reading and flipping through the encyclopedia and reporting back what I found was how I got to some answers from questions I had and then we would talk about what I found. 

Some of the other best conversations I had were sitting with my dad getting my hair cut.  He cut my hair throughout my entire life until I moved to Austin about 3 years ago.  Besides playing soccer and basketball with him, my haircuts have been some of the best father son times we have had so far.  We would engage in all sorts of great conversations about current events, things happening in school, dating, and almost any other life circumstance you can imagine.  Those were truly some special times that we spent together bonding as I learned life lessons, how to be a mature adult, and laughing together.

I’ve probably written it in numerous Father’s Day cards to him, but if I could achieve even half the things as a father that my dad has done for me, I would consider myself a great dad.  I’m not even referring to the financial support side of things because my best memories were never rooted in a dollar amount that he spent on me, but quality time spent together as I grew up.  That’s one of the things that makes my dad so special to me, is the quality time we have spent together.

Whether it was going to my first Yankee game with him, watching Saturday morning cartoons together, learning about worldly events, playing sports together, laughing together or anything else, my dad has always been there for me.  I understand what a privilege that is, and I am absolutely grateful for having that relationship with him, so I do not take it for granted at all.  My goal is that when I become a father that I can be a great dad for my child(ren) the way he has been for me.  He’s my role model as a man and a father, a best friend, a fill in older brother (since I’m an only child), and one heck of a great listener.  Love you Dad.

This pic is from my family's 1st visit to old Yankee Stadium the year they closed it.

Definitely in my top 10 of father-son moments with my dad.

Coaching at Work

If I had a dollar for every time I heard “There is no I in team.” from a coach, I’d be almost as rich as someone who went pro.  I have very fond and vivid memories of the sports that I played throughout my youth.  I remember the coaches I had and the teammates I played with.  My love for soccer started in second grade when I played on my first organized team, and basketball started when I was in sixth grade.  I played both sports through high school and I genuinely loved being on the field or the court.  My experiences there and my love for all sports helped mold how I viewed leadership during those years and influences how I currently view it now.

The first time I started supervising people was late in undergrad when I ran an orientation team. I had been on the team, but I had never been in charge of the team.  Admittedly I was intimidated.  How do I manage a group of people when I’ve never done this before?  As I struggled to figure it out in the weeks before the first meeting, that’s when it hit me.  Just do what your coaches did to get people to work together.  It was then that I began to fuse my love of sports and leadership together. 

Before I knew it, I found myself coaching not on a court but coaching in the workplace.  The ghosts of coaches past and all the words of wisdom that they utilized to inspire us to play were now being rebranded by me as I supervised my team of employees.  (Minus a few locker room expletives which of course weren’t appropriate for a work environment.)  Throughout my time supervising, my leadership style has been refined.   I have been faced with challenging and easy teams to work with, but getting them to perform, and achieve greatness became my new ‘winning the game’. 

I have to admit, I’m always thinking of leadership and how it plays out, so I was touched by a shirt that I saw while walking in the mall one day.  It said “There is no ‘I’ in team, but there is a ‘me’.”  Instantaneously I had a dramatic revelation of how this would be my new mantra as a supervisor.  It would also become what I would instill in training those I supervised on how to supervise their own staff teams.

It doesn’t take rocket science to figure out that you can’t be a leader without followers.  As a supervisor you have to be a good leader for your staff to buy into your vision and mission.  But you have to start with yourself.  You have to buy into your vision and mission and be a role model for them before you can get anyone else to buy in and follow what you expect of them.  Therefore like the t-shirt says, it starts with me. 

When the staff doesn’t perform, the blame typically falls on the leader and the whole team has a bad name.  Much like we see coaches in sports who have a losing team, more often than not, everyone holds that coach responsible for the team losing.  He/she gets dragged through the mud with the team’s name because they are a part of the team too.  The drive to be better should not only be an extrinsic force coming from the fans.  The drive to be better needs to be an intrinsic force as well coming from within.  That coach needs to look within and take a step to make the team better.
The mind blowing part is that this doesn’t only go for the supervisor/coach, but this goes for the staff/team members as well.  I remember sharing with a staff I supervised that “We as a team can only be as good as the weakest player”.  It was imperative for my staff to know that we are all in this together.  Think about any time you’ve worked on a team.  We have all been on a staff before where someone likes to take all the credit for when great things happen.   As soon as something bad happens they shirk the blame stating what they’ve done right, and like a weather vane in the wind, their finger starts pointing in all sorts of directions trying to distribute responsibility for the failure.  People who do this believe that the success is mine, but the failure is yours.  But as I stated before the team is only as good as the weakest player. 

So when you dissect the phrase on the t-shirt, it is saying that each employee and their supervisor need to look within and instead of saying “But I did…” they all need to take a look in the mirror saying “the success of this team starts with me.”  If everyone on the team approaches their work ethic in that way, people will begin taking responsibility for helping each other and the entire team where they see it necessary.  Instead of just complaining and letting things slide. , there will be more unity, ownership and empowerment in the workplace.  With this approach it becomes less of a bragging situation of look at what I did right, to one where people feel a sense of responsibility saying it is up to me to figure out how I can help my team be better.