Coulda, Shoulda, Woulda

Last week in my post ‘Live Without Regret’ I delved into the idea that a regret many of us share in common is that at some point, for some reason we deviated and compromised our true self due to our own pride and desire to save face.  This week I’m following up to that post, to talk about what to do after that regret has already happened. 

It’s very easy to get caught up in what could’ve, should’ve or would’ve been if circumstances that happened were different.  You’ll hear it referred to more frequently in its slang version as ‘coulda, shoulda, woulda’.  It can also reference what we could’ve, should’ve, or would’ve done if we had the chance to do something over again.  The truth is that these Three Muskateers can hack and slash through a positive future faster than the swashbuckling originals Arthos, Porthos and Aramis if we obsess about the past. 

Instead it is important that we focus on what can be, shall be and will be in the future.  None of us would dare to drive a vehicle by looking in the review mirror to drive forward, we all drive by looking through the windshield.  Therefore, it’s important to keep our focus forward and to think about the future.

In thinking about the future, it’s important to think about how to prepare ourselves for that future.  It’s natural to think back about would could’ve, should’ve, and would’ve been, so initially there is nothing wrong with occasionally looking back to take lessons from the mistakes we have made.  Reflection is a key asset to not repeat the same mistakes and fix our flaws.  It becomes dangerous however when we dwell on it for too long, and that’s where it can threaten the future.  It’s also important to love ourselves through this process and not beat ourselves up for the mistakes we’ve made.  Mistakes will happen because we’re human.  Yet as we make these mistakes, we need to learn from them and they will make us stronger people.   

There are some missed opportunities from the past that we can hope come back around to fruition in the future, but hoping is only one very small step.  More importantly we need to make sure that we are taking action by working on developing ourselves so that if that second chance opportunity presents itself again, we are not the same person we were before repeating the same mistakes.  We need to be prepared as a new and improved person ready to embrace that opportunity when it presents itself.  It might be a brand new opportunity or as I said a second chance at a previous one, but the last thing any of us wants is to get caught up thinking could’ve, should’ve, would’ve again.  So we need to be ready.

Take whatever feedback and lessons from the past and let’s make sure we’re ready and prepared for the future.  This process of reflecting on the past (briefly to learn), owning the present, and preparing for the future can apply to any life circumstance.  Part of the preparation for the future is being vulnerable and living without regret so that we can be the best person that we can be, real and genuine.  Then we have to be ready to seize that next opportunity, whether it’s a second chance, or a new one, and welcome it and propel forward into the future.  Celebrate the past, enjoy the good times, learn from the bad, but don’t dwell on it for too long because it can’t be changed.  Instead we can shape and make a better future for ourselves, and that’s why we need to focus on what can be, shall be, and will be.

Strengths and Weaknesses

We are all pretty familiar with the terms strengths and weaknesses.  Sometimes they are used to weigh the options of a personal choice, categories on an employee evaluation, or a question in an interview such as “What are your strengths, and weaknesses?”  I’ve come across it multiple times in those situations as well as while running S.W.O.T. analysis in the beginning stages of project development to evaluate its potential before full development, and launching it.  (S.W.O.T stands for Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, and Threats)  No matter the setting, strengths and weaknesses are common bedfellows but frequently used in opposition to each other.

Despite the words being used in a contrasting way, which is a context that they are habitually placed in, let us suppose that a strength can be a weakness and vice versa.  Initially this sounds like something that can’t truly be possible because one tends to think that if my strengths are what I’m good at, there is no way it can be something I’m bad at as well.  The reality is, that it is very possible, and something that we need to be aware of as we all embark in roles of leadership and supervision as well as in our daily personal lives. 

I was engaged in a conversation with a friend recently, and we were talking about optimism and how it can be a great quality to have, but be a hindrance as well.  During this discussion it was brought up that with a great amount of optimism it is easy to find the silver lining and see that things will work out for the better.  On the surface, we can all agree that this is an uplifting and empowering disposition to have.  However, as the conversation progressed, I began to understand that sometimes this way of thinking can prevent someone from facing the realities of certain circumstances.  In turn it can stunt someone from stepping out of their comfort zone to take the action steps necessary in the interim before that desired optimistic ending happens. 

Therefore finding a balance is important, and it’s healthy to have a little fear mixed in with that optimism shifting from the thought process of "It will all work out!", to "I better make something work out."  Some label the “It’ll all work out” attitude as fatalistic optimism and as my friend pointed out in our discussion, a balance is crucial to have so that one can take important actions along the way of reaching the light at the end of the tunnel.

My penchant for conversation that exercises my brain left me processing this idea of your strengths can be your weaknesses long after the conversation was over.  As I mulled it over during this time, it was very evident that it can be true with almost any positive trait that we have, and the same is true for traits that we label our weaknesses.  They can become strengths, in the right situations, but it heavily depends on the situation you’re in and how you are using your traits at that instantaneous point. 

Whether it is in the workplace or in your personal life it is important to do a lot of self-reflection to be aware of what your strengths and weaknesses are.  Furthermore self-awareness to know how you are using those traits, and the effect they can have when fully dominant is important as well.  We should know how best to utilize our strengths and weaknesses, and when to balance them out to maximize our productivity at work and at home.