The Little Things in Life

I’m going to give you some very simple instructions in this next paragraph as part of an exercise, and I’d like you to follow them before you keep reading.  But then don’t forget about coming back to read the rest of the post. 

Ready?  Take a really deep breath and let it out.  I want you to take a look around you and take in your environment.  Look at the colors around you and truly notice their hues and shades, look at the objects around you.  Maybe some of them bring back a certain memory.  If they do, let that memory enter your mind, but don’t let it consume you, then let it out and keep scanning the room.  Even if you’re very familiar with your surroundings, try to find something you might not have noticed before, the way the light hits something, or maybe something is out of place.  Is there anyone else around you?  What are they doing, what are they wearing? Are you with someone familiar?  If so, look at them and appreciate their presence with you.  Maybe even briefly interact with them, but come back to finish reading.  What about the sounds you hear?  Take those in as well, maybe it’s a car driving by, or a television in the background, or the whir of a fan or air conditioner, but listen carefully.

Congrats! You made it.  I just asked you to participate in an act of being more mindful of your surroundings.  See each and every day we are caught up in following our routines, and not taking the time to appreciate the little things in life, and the little moments that make life so special.  Simple human interactions such as eye contact, touch, or looking at someone smile at you are being lost because we are caught up in the hustle and bustle of our daily lives.  These small things are enriching to our life experience, and can lead to more happiness, but we are overlooking them.  With that exercise above, I asked you to fully engage your senses for just a moment in a way that many of us, myself included, regularly don’t.  With busy schedules and a fast paced life, we are blowing by moments that we could appreciate more if we just took the time to take in our environment.

Take for example the last time you went to a concert.  There were so many people with their phones in the air either recording a video of the performance, or taking multiple pictures.  Then for the rest of the song (which many of them will tell you is their favorite), it’s off to send it in a text, Tweet about it, post it to Facebook, send a Snapchat, post to Instagram and any other social media platform.  When the song is over they would be happy to tell you “That was awesome!”  The question is, did they really get to enjoy it as much as they could have?  I’ve been just as guilty of this many times, but I’m learning more and more to be more mindful by being more present and I’d invite you to join me in doing so.

I still love my social media, and electronic devices, don’t get me wrong, but as I make more of an effort to be more present in each situation and balance my usage, I’m learning to appreciate the little things in life more and more.  These moments are becoming more of a holistic and fulfilling experience as I increase my mindfulness and presence in each situation.

Our lives are so fast paced with the electronic devises we surround ourselves with that we are losing a vital part of relationships which is the human element of interaction.  While many of these modes of communication can enhance interactions with a wider audience, all too often we are losing sight of the actual experience, and the interactions of the people we are with.  Instead we are substituting that moment with being a bystander reporting those experiences instead of enjoying them for ourselves. 

As I leave you this week, let us all take a reminder from the note in the picture below and see how it changes our lives.

The Tip of the Iceberg

Some might describe me as having an affinity for watching documentaries.  That’s an understatement, but I’ll run with the subtlety and say that recently I was watching one about the great icy north.  While dazzled by the imagery on the screen, an iceberg was shown and I was reminded of a training I have done for my staff on how to work with others.  In the training session I compare the people we meet and interact with, to icebergs.

When we all look at icebergs we are typically seeing it from a perspective on land, looking at a majestic ice formation reaching into the sky.  With its many peaks, and points it can often be awe inspiring how it floats along in the water.  However if we were to look below the surface in the chilly water that it floats in, we would see something much more grand below the surface, dwarfing the size what we saw floating above it.  Therefore the entirety of the iceberg was more than what we initially saw when we were just looking at it on land.

As we think about the people in our lives, whether it’s a friend, a coworker, a family member or a significant other, what we see on the surface is typically just a small manifestation of who they really are deep down inside.  I’ve been reminded of this fact very recently while I go through my own life journey, and as I listen to some of the experiences that my friends are going through right now.

We can look at those that are wealthy, poor, happy and sad, and sometimes never truly know much more than just what we see on that surface.  Yet there is so much below what we see of someone’s persona, or the tip of the iceberg.  So much of what is below the surface is created from hard work, joy and pain, successes and failures, as well as instances of triumph and defeat.  Our experiences with others, the jobs we’ve had, and the roles we’ve played in family, friendships, relationships and the work environment are just some of the things that contribute to the entire make up of who we are, or in this case, the entire iceberg.  As I said these are just some of the things, but it can be comprised of so much more not listed, and we are all a summation of our experiences.

We all go through life making the best out of our situations, learning from the events in our life, but there is so much more to our personalities than the initial interactions we have with people.  That’s where treating people with empathy and patience can go a long way for sustaining friendships and relationships.  It’s being sensitive to that part of the iceberg we may not necessarily get a chance to see.

We don’t always know the journey that someone has taken to get to a certain point in their life, therefore we are not always aware of the rest of their iceberg that’s below the surface.  The smoothest iceberg we see, can have some of the roughest and most jagged edges below the surface and vice versa.  But if we take the time to holistically approach someone and genuinely show interest in them as a person we can ultimately be a better supervisor, co-worker, friend, romantic partner, and family member.  

A strong component of being able to do this is working on having a high level of empathy.  There has to be a certain level of compassion and willingness from within ourselves to want to learn about someone in order to have the ability to be empathetic.  The cliché “put yourself in their shoes” might come to mind, but this goes beyond just putting ourselves in their shoes.  It also requires wearing their hat, their coat, and their gloves to take the analogy further.  By this I mean don’t just look at it from our perspective trying to understand theirs, actively listen to what that person is sharing about their experience and try to learn and understand as much as possible about what they are feeling and experiencing.

Having this level of understanding is great, and it’s kind to be empathetic, but taking it a step further to treat someone from an empathetic standpoint is treating them as a whole person and not just what we see on the surface.  Understanding why they make their decisions, and how our decisions can affect them is something that can create a deeper more meaningful relationship and is truly a holistic approach to our interactions with others.

When we see and interact with someone quite often it’s just the tip of the iceberg that we’re getting.  So let’s change that and make an effort to see the entire person, or the entire iceberg.

Strengths and Weaknesses

We are all pretty familiar with the terms strengths and weaknesses.  Sometimes they are used to weigh the options of a personal choice, categories on an employee evaluation, or a question in an interview such as “What are your strengths, and weaknesses?”  I’ve come across it multiple times in those situations as well as while running S.W.O.T. analysis in the beginning stages of project development to evaluate its potential before full development, and launching it.  (S.W.O.T stands for Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, and Threats)  No matter the setting, strengths and weaknesses are common bedfellows but frequently used in opposition to each other.

Despite the words being used in a contrasting way, which is a context that they are habitually placed in, let us suppose that a strength can be a weakness and vice versa.  Initially this sounds like something that can’t truly be possible because one tends to think that if my strengths are what I’m good at, there is no way it can be something I’m bad at as well.  The reality is, that it is very possible, and something that we need to be aware of as we all embark in roles of leadership and supervision as well as in our daily personal lives. 

I was engaged in a conversation with a friend recently, and we were talking about optimism and how it can be a great quality to have, but be a hindrance as well.  During this discussion it was brought up that with a great amount of optimism it is easy to find the silver lining and see that things will work out for the better.  On the surface, we can all agree that this is an uplifting and empowering disposition to have.  However, as the conversation progressed, I began to understand that sometimes this way of thinking can prevent someone from facing the realities of certain circumstances.  In turn it can stunt someone from stepping out of their comfort zone to take the action steps necessary in the interim before that desired optimistic ending happens. 

Therefore finding a balance is important, and it’s healthy to have a little fear mixed in with that optimism shifting from the thought process of "It will all work out!", to "I better make something work out."  Some label the “It’ll all work out” attitude as fatalistic optimism and as my friend pointed out in our discussion, a balance is crucial to have so that one can take important actions along the way of reaching the light at the end of the tunnel.

My penchant for conversation that exercises my brain left me processing this idea of your strengths can be your weaknesses long after the conversation was over.  As I mulled it over during this time, it was very evident that it can be true with almost any positive trait that we have, and the same is true for traits that we label our weaknesses.  They can become strengths, in the right situations, but it heavily depends on the situation you’re in and how you are using your traits at that instantaneous point. 

Whether it is in the workplace or in your personal life it is important to do a lot of self-reflection to be aware of what your strengths and weaknesses are.  Furthermore self-awareness to know how you are using those traits, and the effect they can have when fully dominant is important as well.  We should know how best to utilize our strengths and weaknesses, and when to balance them out to maximize our productivity at work and at home.