The Tip of the Iceberg

Some might describe me as having an affinity for watching documentaries.  That’s an understatement, but I’ll run with the subtlety and say that recently I was watching one about the great icy north.  While dazzled by the imagery on the screen, an iceberg was shown and I was reminded of a training I have done for my staff on how to work with others.  In the training session I compare the people we meet and interact with, to icebergs.

When we all look at icebergs we are typically seeing it from a perspective on land, looking at a majestic ice formation reaching into the sky.  With its many peaks, and points it can often be awe inspiring how it floats along in the water.  However if we were to look below the surface in the chilly water that it floats in, we would see something much more grand below the surface, dwarfing the size what we saw floating above it.  Therefore the entirety of the iceberg was more than what we initially saw when we were just looking at it on land.

As we think about the people in our lives, whether it’s a friend, a coworker, a family member or a significant other, what we see on the surface is typically just a small manifestation of who they really are deep down inside.  I’ve been reminded of this fact very recently while I go through my own life journey, and as I listen to some of the experiences that my friends are going through right now.

We can look at those that are wealthy, poor, happy and sad, and sometimes never truly know much more than just what we see on that surface.  Yet there is so much below what we see of someone’s persona, or the tip of the iceberg.  So much of what is below the surface is created from hard work, joy and pain, successes and failures, as well as instances of triumph and defeat.  Our experiences with others, the jobs we’ve had, and the roles we’ve played in family, friendships, relationships and the work environment are just some of the things that contribute to the entire make up of who we are, or in this case, the entire iceberg.  As I said these are just some of the things, but it can be comprised of so much more not listed, and we are all a summation of our experiences.

We all go through life making the best out of our situations, learning from the events in our life, but there is so much more to our personalities than the initial interactions we have with people.  That’s where treating people with empathy and patience can go a long way for sustaining friendships and relationships.  It’s being sensitive to that part of the iceberg we may not necessarily get a chance to see.

We don’t always know the journey that someone has taken to get to a certain point in their life, therefore we are not always aware of the rest of their iceberg that’s below the surface.  The smoothest iceberg we see, can have some of the roughest and most jagged edges below the surface and vice versa.  But if we take the time to holistically approach someone and genuinely show interest in them as a person we can ultimately be a better supervisor, co-worker, friend, romantic partner, and family member.  

A strong component of being able to do this is working on having a high level of empathy.  There has to be a certain level of compassion and willingness from within ourselves to want to learn about someone in order to have the ability to be empathetic.  The cliché “put yourself in their shoes” might come to mind, but this goes beyond just putting ourselves in their shoes.  It also requires wearing their hat, their coat, and their gloves to take the analogy further.  By this I mean don’t just look at it from our perspective trying to understand theirs, actively listen to what that person is sharing about their experience and try to learn and understand as much as possible about what they are feeling and experiencing.

Having this level of understanding is great, and it’s kind to be empathetic, but taking it a step further to treat someone from an empathetic standpoint is treating them as a whole person and not just what we see on the surface.  Understanding why they make their decisions, and how our decisions can affect them is something that can create a deeper more meaningful relationship and is truly a holistic approach to our interactions with others.

When we see and interact with someone quite often it’s just the tip of the iceberg that we’re getting.  So let’s change that and make an effort to see the entire person, or the entire iceberg.

Take the First Step

As I was watching HBO’s Real Sports they did a story on Nik Wallenda.  You might recognize his name as one of the most daring and famous tightrope walkers of our era.  He’s accomplished what many would describe as unimaginable, brave, and downright dangerous.  Some of his feats include crossing the Little Colorado River Gorge next to the Grand Canyon, as well as crossing Niagara Falls on a tight rope.  He holds an amazing 7 world records. 

Now the closest I’ve ever come to walking a tight rope is playing on a balance beam on the playground as a kid, so I’m no Nik.  But during that interview he mentioned two things that really stood out to me about how we live our lives, and how similar it is to what he accomplishes on the tight rope. 

He said the hardest part of some of his aerial stunts is taking the first step as he walks out onto the wire.  Once he’s past that, the jitters of starting are done, and he can concentrate on the intricacies of the rest of the act.

The truth is the first step really is the most difficult any time you start something new.  As school has started, the first step for a student into the hallway or on campus can be scary.  If you’ve decided you want to start a business, the first step of opening the store front and taking a leap of faith can be terrifying.  Sometimes it’s intimidating walking into the boss’s office to suggest a new initiative, starting a conversation with a significant other about something serious, or even starting a new job. 

The first step in all of these is scary for the same reason the first step is scary for Nik.  It’s a fear of the unknown and wondering: “What will the rest of the journey be like?” There’s also a fear of not succeeding and wondering: “Will I make it?” “Will I survive?”.  You’re human and those are natural feelings to have.  We have all felt that at one time while embarking on a new endeavor.  What Nik does is he practices frequently to anticipate the stunt and various scenarios that can happen on the wire in order to complete the act and diminish the odds of falling. 

In our own lives we must also prepare ourselves to diminish the danger of failing after that first step.  It comes down to preparedness and trusting in your preparedness.  We should constantly be putting in the work to make ourselves better and ready to succeed after that first step.  There will be obstacles that can’t be accounted for, but our preparation and keeping our mindset focused can help us overcome those and make it to the other end.  Nik prepares for gusts of wind on the rope high above natural wonders, but sometimes Mother Nature has a surprise for him.  But trusting in his preparation and staying focused on succeeding, he continues on much like we need to do when we’re faced with something unexpected.

The second statement that stuck with me is the fact that he doesn’t use a safety net or harness to perform.  He said, "My great-grandfather taught that safety nets offer a false sense of security,"  Going on to say that a safety net is no guarantee because an uncle of his was killed while performing, despite falling into a safety net.

All too often we are afraid to take that first step unless we are completely sure that we will be safe from failing.  Sometimes we hinder ourselves from trying something new because we fill our minds with: “What if it doesn’t work out?”.  Failing is a part of life and what we learn some of our most valuable lessons from.  If Nik subscribed to these thoughts he wouldn’t have 7 world records because he never would have taken that first step without a safety net.  I had a supervisor once share with me that paralysis by analysis can prevent us from moving forward in our lives if we get caught up worrying about the ‘what ifs’.  Overthinking something might be holding you back right now.  It takes a lot of courage to trust the process, and to trust your-self to make the best decisions.  Undoubtedly you’ve survived some very rough times, and bounced back stronger.  You’ve healed your wounds and gotten back up on that wire to take another first step to finish your journey.  That means you already know you’re a survivor.

Sometimes you will fail, just like sometimes Nik has fallen off that wire.  But he gets back up on it and tries again, and that’s what I know you can do.  If you’ve got a dream to chase, or you’re about to try something new or different, don’t be afraid to take the first step, and don’t worry if it doesn’t work out.  Just get back up on the wire after some more preparation, trust the process and take that first step again. 

You will make it to the other end of the wire. I know you can do it.

For those of you that are interested, here's a quick news story about Nik
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MX_jFK9Zf5k