Meaningful Connections

Last week I had the pleasure to attend a social gathering with a guest speaker named Jan Goss-Gibson.  While trying not to sound like an advertisement for her, she is a speaker, author, and executive trainer, who is a confidence strategist and helps with first impression management, and a host of other related topics.  During her talk to the attendees of the event, she really honed in on the importance of making a connection with someone else.  In doing so, Jan shared some tips on appropriate body language, as well as some social etiquette tips to engage with others socially in a business setting. 

I left the event with a lot of appreciation for what she talked about, as well as the conversation I had with her after she spoke.  We talked more about the importance of connecting with others, but something she said that night to the group stuck out in my mind.  She said “Someone in this room could have the answer to a problem you’ve been trying to solve, but you would never know it unless you make a connection with them.”  After she said it, she encouraged us to mingle and network but I could not stop thinking how accurate a statement that was long after the event.  I frequently write about intrinsic motivation to be successful, and personal perseverance to overcome adversity, but admittedly there is another variable in the equation to become successful and that’s meaningful connections with others.  Meeting other people who may have resources to help support an endeavor, or connecting with someone to create a business partnership are just a few examples of how connecting with someone can help progress an ambition to a successful end.

In today’s society, we are “connected” with so many different people through social media, internet sites, and cell phones.  I use connected with a quote around it because while we are very “connected” with the ability to talk or meet someone miles away with the push of a button, or click on a website we can still be very disconnected interpersonally.  What Jan was talking about at the event, is what I believe is becoming a lost art of a personal connection face to face. 

This is not an assault on social media or technology because the things you can do with it are great.  I’m an administrator for a few business social media sites and it helps consumers stay connected to those businesses, so I can appreciate the usefulness in such situations.  But in a world where we “connect” with others through hashtags, 140 character tweets, Vine videos, Instagram pics,  and liking something on Facebook, the ability to effectively walk up to a stranger at a networking event for example and introduce yourself is becoming scarce.  The ability to carry a conversation and genuinely connect with that person while making them feel comfortable and relaxed is something that is getting lost and something that needs to be regained. 

These are the connections that Jan is encouraging and what I feel are very important in order to become successful.  The ability to actively listen to someone else, not just hear, but actually listen, process, and connect with what they are saying is a major part of this art of connecting but it is slowly going the way of the dinosaur.  With attention spans causing a ‘tech itch’ to check cell phones, check email, or disengage after a few moments, it’s important that we get back to truly connecting with each other the way we did before we were bombarded with technology.

In a previous blog titled “The Little Things in Life” I addressed mindfulness and encouraged being more aware of one’s environment as opposed to being distracted by the everyday technologies we have succumbed to.  It was a self-imposed challenge that I invited my readers to join.  Since attending the event and hearing Jan Goss-Gibson, I have taken on another personal challenge that I’d invite you to join in on as well.  It’s a challenge to make more meaningful connections with others, and genuinely engage people when in social situations.  Since the event, I’ve found it to be a fun challenge and I’ve met some great people through it which I hope is similar to your experience.  If you want more tips on how to do this (and I’m not receiving any kickbacks by sharing this with you) you should definitely check out some of the programs that Jan Goss-Gibson provides at her website http://civilityconsulting.com/. 

The Little Things in Life

I’m going to give you some very simple instructions in this next paragraph as part of an exercise, and I’d like you to follow them before you keep reading.  But then don’t forget about coming back to read the rest of the post. 

Ready?  Take a really deep breath and let it out.  I want you to take a look around you and take in your environment.  Look at the colors around you and truly notice their hues and shades, look at the objects around you.  Maybe some of them bring back a certain memory.  If they do, let that memory enter your mind, but don’t let it consume you, then let it out and keep scanning the room.  Even if you’re very familiar with your surroundings, try to find something you might not have noticed before, the way the light hits something, or maybe something is out of place.  Is there anyone else around you?  What are they doing, what are they wearing? Are you with someone familiar?  If so, look at them and appreciate their presence with you.  Maybe even briefly interact with them, but come back to finish reading.  What about the sounds you hear?  Take those in as well, maybe it’s a car driving by, or a television in the background, or the whir of a fan or air conditioner, but listen carefully.

Congrats! You made it.  I just asked you to participate in an act of being more mindful of your surroundings.  See each and every day we are caught up in following our routines, and not taking the time to appreciate the little things in life, and the little moments that make life so special.  Simple human interactions such as eye contact, touch, or looking at someone smile at you are being lost because we are caught up in the hustle and bustle of our daily lives.  These small things are enriching to our life experience, and can lead to more happiness, but we are overlooking them.  With that exercise above, I asked you to fully engage your senses for just a moment in a way that many of us, myself included, regularly don’t.  With busy schedules and a fast paced life, we are blowing by moments that we could appreciate more if we just took the time to take in our environment.

Take for example the last time you went to a concert.  There were so many people with their phones in the air either recording a video of the performance, or taking multiple pictures.  Then for the rest of the song (which many of them will tell you is their favorite), it’s off to send it in a text, Tweet about it, post it to Facebook, send a Snapchat, post to Instagram and any other social media platform.  When the song is over they would be happy to tell you “That was awesome!”  The question is, did they really get to enjoy it as much as they could have?  I’ve been just as guilty of this many times, but I’m learning more and more to be more mindful by being more present and I’d invite you to join me in doing so.

I still love my social media, and electronic devices, don’t get me wrong, but as I make more of an effort to be more present in each situation and balance my usage, I’m learning to appreciate the little things in life more and more.  These moments are becoming more of a holistic and fulfilling experience as I increase my mindfulness and presence in each situation.

Our lives are so fast paced with the electronic devises we surround ourselves with that we are losing a vital part of relationships which is the human element of interaction.  While many of these modes of communication can enhance interactions with a wider audience, all too often we are losing sight of the actual experience, and the interactions of the people we are with.  Instead we are substituting that moment with being a bystander reporting those experiences instead of enjoying them for ourselves. 

As I leave you this week, let us all take a reminder from the note in the picture below and see how it changes our lives.