New Year, New You

With New Year’s Eve upon us, many take the time to reflect on the past year.  For some of us 2013 was as cursed as the number 13 promises to be, so we look forward to 2014.  But all of us fondly reminisce about the high points of the year, and learn life’s tough lessons from the low.  The resolutions of many to work out more often flood our gyms with users in January, and as the masses settle into their routines around February, the resolution is a faded memory.  This is an all too familiar habit of New Year’s resolutions and promises to ourselves; we make them as fast as we break them.  Is this proof that we are non-committal people?  I don’t think that’s true.  We simply need to commit to ourselves and commit to making our resolutions habitual practices.

Take for instance showering, or brushing your teeth.  You typically don’t think twice about not doing either of those things.  It’s easy to make the excuse that it’s built into your daily routine and you are committed to doing them because if you didn’t it would negatively impact you.  As you make your resolutions aren’t you trying to resolve to do things that make you a better person and that would negatively impact you without it?  I agree it is easier said than done because life happens to derail you from your plans, but the important thing to remember is you must make a commitment to yourself and hold yourself accountable.

Don’t worry about creating a big fancy resolution to impress your friends, which ends up being so lofty that you’ve put yourself in a difficult situation to stay true to it.  The reality is, you don’t have to impress anyone with your resolution.  If your resolution is small, but it’s something that helps you have a successful 2014 and future, then go for it!  Make that your resolution and make a plan of how to incorporate it into your daily routine.  It might change your current lifestyle a bit, but it will help you be a better person and that’s what’s important.

As you reflect on 2013 and look forward to what 2014 has in store, I will leave you with lessons that I’ve learned and placed in my blogs from 2013 that I plan to use to help me have a successful 2014 and hopefully they can help you too.  (Links to the pertinent blog have been placed in each item) 

HAPPY NEW YEAR, and HAPPY NEW YOU!

1.      “Water Your Own Grass”.  Cultivate what you have in your own life.  We think the grass is always greener on the other side.  Instead, look in your own backyard, the grass might be greener than you think it is if you take the time to cultivate it instead of wishing you had someone else’s.

2.      Start with yourself to be a good leader.  There is no ‘I’ in team but there is a ‘me’.  In order to build a successful team, and be a good leader it starts with the person you see every day, yourself.  “Coaching at Work”

3.      “Take the First Step” There are many different things that you will tell yourself you can’t do.  But put those negative thoughts out of your head, and be prepared to take the first step.  There is always a fear of failing, but you might embark on a new and successful journey.

4.      “Be Vulnerable”.  It’s difficult to let your guard down, and open up to others, but it’s important that you take the time to be authentic with them.  It’s risky and sometimes it can be painful, but in many other instances it leads to more authentic relationships, and cultivates stronger bonds.

5.      “Go the Distance”.  In life, preparation can lead to success when you least expect it.  You will be able to go farther than you expected much like Meredith Fitzmaurice if you are persistent, determined, and prepared.  You will shock yourself with what you can achieve.

6.     Find the Silver Lining. There are unexpected moments in life and circumstances that will try to derail you from your goals.  You are responsible for your future and can overcome anything.  Find the silver lining, use that as your motivation to prevail. “When Life Happens”

7.      Give to others.  We all live in communities where there are people less fortunate that ourselves.  It’s important that we show compassion and give back to our communities while being thankful for the things that we have in our own lives.   “Thanks and Giving”

8.      “You Are Your Own CEO”.  You’re responsible for yourself to accomplish your goals, achieve greatness and represent yourself.  Look for support from those who will be on your board of directors to give you praise and share constructive criticism to help you be who you want to be.

9.      “Don’t Quit”.  Life will throw you curve balls, and can be difficult.  You should always be prepared and have a positive attitude that it’s not over until it’s actually over.  With a prepared mind and strong persistence you will be ready for success when the opportunity presents itself.

10.   “Your Friends are Your Future”.  We’ve all heard the crabs in a barrel cliché.  But conversely if you surround yourself with positive people striving for greatness instead of pulling you down, they will push you up.  Sometimes we allow ourselves to knowingly get pulled down because it’s easier to keep the negativity around rather than do what’s difficult and cut it out of our lives.

11.   “What’s your Legacy?” Make sure that when you are doing something regardless of where you are, that you are leaving behind a trail of greatness.  You have an impact with every endeavor you embark on, so let your influence be a great and positive one.

12.   Don’t worry about the trophy.  Most people remembered over the course of time aren’t remembered for the trophy that they won.  Work hard not for the award, but because it’s the right thing to do, and you want to have a positive impact.  The awards will come, and people will forget what you won, but they won’t forget your impact.  “A Thought on Leadership”

 

 

Is Understanding Agreement?

Understanding and agreement.  All too often these words have been used as synonyms by those in conflict.  Often times when this happens there is one person who is trying to convince another to believe what they believe, and the other person/party will not forfeit their position because they believe their way is the right way.  Something tells me that you just nodded and smiled because you have identified with having been on an end of this continuum.  Well to you I say welcome, because I have been guilty of this as well.  I’ve also seen this play out in everything from college student roommate conflicts that I’ve mediated, to relationship issues I’ve talked to friends about, and (insert any topic here) debates.

Living in Austin, Texas I have had ring side seats to many a debate regarding abortion issues, affirmative action via Fisher v University of Texas, gun control conversations, and more recently the Affordable Health Care Act (what many call Obamacare).  Now don’t worry because this is NOT where the blog turns into a diatribe about how you should think on each issue.  Instead my observations of arguments is that passions run so high and that belief systems are so ingrained, that people refuse to understand or make an effort to understand an opposing view while still being able to disagree.
What I propose here is a skill that I have trained many staff members to do while mediating roommate conflicts.  It’s also something that is so simple to do that it will possibly change the next argument you get into.  I propose that you listen.  Not hear, but actually listen.  If you’ve ever seen this argument play out in the movie “White Men Can’t Jump” you know where I’m headed with this. 
It is important to listen to what the person is saying and take the time to have empathy (not sympathy, they are truly different things).  Don’t feel sorrow for the person because they are too dumb to believe what you believe, but instead put yourself in the person’s shoes for the moment and do your best attempt to see why they believe what they believe.  We all believe in something for a reason.  Take the time to learn what experiences have led to that person’s belief system.  Ask them in an inquisitive, not a derogatory way why they believe what they believe.  It is the rarest of occasions that someone wakes up one morning with an unwavering view on a topic.  Something or a collection of events in their life has brought them to that point and listening to them to understand why is what I encourage you to do in order to try to understand.  Sure this is a two-way street because they must be willing to explain why, but it is surprising sometimes at how many people are willing to tell their story of why if you take the time to listen.  This is where understanding can come about.
Now mind you, I am not encouraging or suggesting that you change your viewpoint, because you may not, and that is ok too.  Disagreement can coexist with understanding and that’s the point.  However, sometimes your world view can be greatly expanded because you now understand how someone could come to a certain belief system.  Sometimes such an intellectual expansion can lead to shifting your own viewpoint or having a greater understanding for your own viewpoint.
What I am encouraging is a greater understanding and a higher level of emotional intelligence when working with or interacting with others.  Your appreciation for coworkers, friends, family members, etc. can increase if your effort to understand increases.  The next time you find yourself in a conflict with someone, take the time to really think about and understand what the root of that disagreement is.  Do you understand what that person is saying?  Can you empathize with their position?  Are you working with them to resolve the conflict, or are you just defending yourself and not helping them to understand your own ‘why’?  Are you taking the time to truly listen to them?  Ask yourself some of these questions, and if you answer ‘No’ to any of them try to turn it into a ‘Yes’ and work to resolve conflict.  Often time conflict can bring people closer as they resolve it together, but unfortunately it also has potential to drive a more divisive wedge.  Choose wisely what you work towards.  I believe in you.