Be Vulnerable

I enjoy intellectually stimulating experiences, so I’m addicted to watching TED talks.  If you’re not familiar with them, TED stands for Technology, Entertainment, Design and it’s a conference that brings together some of the most brilliant minds to talk about a myriad of topics and the talks are posted online.  Almost a year ago I came across a TED talk by Brené Brown about vulnerability and instantaneously I was enthralled with her message.  It was so poignant that I watched the video again, and searched YouTube to find more of her talks.

Brené is a shame and vulnerability researcher and it was her second TED talk that I watched that really hit home.  (I posted it below if you’re interested)  I had my own share of life events going on when I watched her and that’s why it was revolutionary for me.  I recently revisited it and that’s what brought me to write this post.  Her talk helped shift my perspective on the way I approached things in my life and how I interacted with those I considered important in my life.  I shared it with close friends and even built a training session around it for the team I supervised in order to create a shift in the workplace culture.  Now I’m sharing it with you because I admire her work and her message.

We hinder our full potential to achieve great things and live happily if we continue to hide under a security blanket.  You’ve done this and I’ve done this.  We’ve played it safe in a meeting, or a classroom, or in friendships and relationships.  We succumb to the voice of shame that she talks about and ultimately as I’ve talked about in a previous post, a paralysis by analysis happens.  We get stuck by over thinking the problem, out of a fear of failure in trying to solve it. 

It takes courage to be vulnerable and let people see your true self, and who you can be.  Yes sometimes it will lead to heartache, or something that doesn’t feel so good.  But there is a great potential inside you, and for the security of playing it safe, you’ve put up a wall to hide behind.  This wall is preventing you from being your authentic self and that’s a horrible thing because you’re great and you have greatness to share with the world. 

We are constantly in personal construction zones building fortified walls believing that the more walls we put up the safer we will be.  Sure there is some part of this that serves as a coping mechanism to be safer in many situations, but we are then protecting ourselves from emotions, connections, and the opportunity to experience life in its full, vivid, robust entirety as it was meant to be.  Who doesn’t want to meet that new best friend that you can share a million laughs with, or meet the person of your dreams?  Or worse you could miss out on that exhilarating and memorable experience that you never would have had unless you made yourself vulnerable. 

I haven’t been perfect at this so let’s not think that I do it in every situation, but I’m a work in progress and I make an effort to be more vulnerable so you can too.  Trust me it feels awkward at first because we aren’t socialized to be this way, but I’ve found more genuine relationships have been built because of it, and I feel more at ease not worrying what people will think.  I convinced myself wouldn’t I rather be around people who want the real me, as opposed to some tailored version to make them happy?

Brené says that vulnerability is our ability to be honest and to be seen.  I truly believe that statement and believe that is who we want to surround ourselves with.  We want friends, spouses, significant others and coworkers to be real, to be authentic.  If we are not authentic in return we won’t be able to foster such relationships.  That’s why without vulnerability that cannot occur.  So be yourself and take the risk that Brené talks about.  I believe in you.

 

 

The link to her TED talk that I enjoyed so much:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=psN1DORYYV0